emotional Archives - I Want My Kisses Back

**** Disclaimer: This letter is not a personal letter to anyone in specific even though it may appear that way. This letter is for those who have ever experienced dating an emotionally unavailable person (which can be frustrating) or who has even been that emotionally unavailable person. It can be frustrating on both ends. While this post is titled letter to the emotionally unavailable “men” of the world, being emotionally unavailable can apply to both genders. I am simply writing from my own point of view as a woman.

Dear Mr.I-Have-A-Wall-Up,
Please stop wasting my time. It is not my job to break down that wall you put up after Betsy broke your heart. I like mystery but if you give me nothing, that is all I will give you back. I do not have time to constantly try to prove myself and ask for forgiveness for a crime I didn’t commit. Stop waiting for Ms. Right to come along and change your whole viewpoint on women and relationships, because well she doesn’t exist. You create distance between people by relying heavily on impersonal means of communication like “texting”. You press ignore when she calls and you are always “busy,” but the moment she is ready to walk away you give her just enough to keep her there for just a moment longer. You were hurt and since then you refuse to open up to anyone else unless they pry information out of you by threatening to push you over a ledge. You play games with women to see how “strong” they are, and to see if they will put up with your b.s even when your not willing to put up with theirs. You use humor and sarcasm to cover up your real feelings and even if you miss her you keep it a secret. You will never fall in love because you simply do not allow yourself to do so. You are a wuss and afraid that if you let anyone in that they will do what “she did” or worse. You think being closed off makes you look cool but instead it makes you look weak. The strongest people in the world are those that allow themselves the opportunity to feel. No girl has ever made your heart skip a beat, except for Betsy who broke your heart and you go through woman like underwear. You leave them confused or even worse heartbroken because they thought you were all-in when you were really half-a**ing it the whole time. You keep dating in hopes that the next woman will break that wall down and sweep you off your feet, but it is impossible. Only you can break down that wall and allow love to grow in your heart. Anything worth having involves risks, but without taking those risks you will never develop a deep emotional connection with anyone. And in the process you will hurt many who were vulnerable enough to open up to you. In the end you think you are strong because you don’t feel the pain that she does and you move on with ease. But deep down inside their is a pain that lingers like the aroma left after a fire. You haven’t forgiven that person from your past and you are blaming the world for their mistakes. Guilty until proven innocent. But that my dear isn’t justice….nor is it love. Stop wasting my time and so many others. Work on yourself and once you remove that wall then think about giving me a call, but by then I probably would have moved on to someone who cared enough to give me an honest chance.

Sincerly,
Ms. Tired-of-Your-Crap-so-now- I- don’t- waste- my- time- with -you- anymore……

Ps: I want my kisses back………

So on Sunday I was watching one of my favorite shows, “The Millionaire Matchmaker” with Patti Stanger, and after she was featured on a show in which her fans could ask her questions about relationships. The host asked her what was one of the top mistakes people make on first dates, and she said “TMI”. I thought this was interesting because I was veryyy guilty of doing this myself, so I thought I would write a blog post about it. And I know that I am not the only one that has made this mistake before. For those of you who don’t know what show I am talking about, it is a show on Bravo that is about a matchmaker, Patti Stanger who finds love for millionaires. I came across the show a few months ago and now I’m hooked. While I don’t agree with everything Patti has to say, I agree with a lot. The show appeals to me because, well we all want love and also it shows the common mistakes that we all make sometimes or mistakes we would NEVER make lol. I know for sure that I am definitely going to try to avoid making the TMI mistake again.

During the segment after Patti’s show, she pretty much said that people give too much information about their past relationships or painful situations that they have gone through in their lives way too soon. This appealed to me because there was a situation in which I was getting to know someone at a rough time in my life. I was having what I would call an “emotional week”. I am actually a very private person, but during our first few conversations they asked me about my past relationships and being overly emotional, I told a little too much about them and only focused on the negative. After this happened the guy who will not be named made some assumptions about me and I was livid. The truth of the matter is, I shouldn’t have told him anything about the past just as yet. I couldn’t even blame him for making those assumptions. All he had to go on was what I was giving him and what I was showing him. Remember if, “someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Well that was a stupid move on my part and he already had in his mind a picture of me. First impressions are key and we all go through a lot in our lives, but revealing those things right away, show a red flag because the person makes assumptions without knowing all the facts and puts you in a category.

Stay away from TMI….no seriously. It’s kind of like when your friend tells you about their bowel movements and about how much gas they have. WOAA TMI. Or it’s like those facebook statuses that pop up in your newsfeed displaying information you probably shouldn’t know because chances are that person isn’t even that close to you. Yet somehow you know their baby daddy won’t pay child support or that so and so is currently at the mall located at 123 cherry lane. I know this one guy who started to talk to this girl who had lost a male friend. Well, that was all she would talk about and she made it seem as if the relationship they had was deeper than friendship. So the girl asked the guy I know to go with her to the grave site after only knowing him for a few days or was it one day hmm. While I understand that she was going through a lot I think that would turn me off if it was the other way around, because you barely know the person and they are asking you to share a moment that you don’t think you are ready for or even know too much about. It’s too much, it’s too heavy. It’s like meeting someone and saying, “hey I’ve only known you for 24 hours but could you come with me to this funeral”…..AWKWARDD. I think the first time you meet someone should be fun and focused on getting to know a person’s personality and what interests you both share, that way if you guys hit it off then you can share those things as time progresses….just saying.