Hey guys!!! I hope all is well with you. As the holiday season approaches I thought it would be a good idea to talk about “floaters.” A floater is a guy or girl who moves from relationship to relationship and never stays for too long. I am sure we have all experienced at least one floater in our lives, I know I sure have. To be exact there was one “floater” in particular that i dated awhile back before I was in a relationship. For the sake of respect I will keep this floater anonymous. Well when I met this guy he was very sweet, he took me out, told his parents about me and even called me on his lunch breaks. And I won’t even lie for a moment I was smitten but that was simply for a moment. I had this feeling that he wasn’t being fully truthful to me and well he wasn’t. He wanted me to be completely exclusive to him which I was, but he wasn’t being completely exclusive to me. Talk about DOUBLE STANDARD BS. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed our dates and he was a gentlemen but I kept noticing red flags and I am actually very happy it didn’t work out because he is definitely a floater. Well we remained friends on Facebook for awhile (we are no longer friends on fb) and I noticed that right after we stopped seeing each other, I mean not even a good month after he was in a relationship with someone else. Well in retrospect I felt bad for the girl and in reality I wanted to scream out “RUN WHILE YOU CAN.” But it wasn’t my place and well that would be rude. You see the thing that really bothered me with this floater is that he had a history of very short lived relationships and he told me this. In fact he told me most of his relationships didn’t get pass 4 or 5 months. This was alarming and I asked him why and he said something vague along the lines of “well we just didn’t click.” But see I like to dig deeper and that’s when I found out that he broke up with one girl who he claimed was amazing but was just too short. WHICH IS QUITE RIDICULOUS IF YOU ASK ME. He knew she was short before so why waste her time. And then he also told me that after one argument with another ex he broke it off. I understood why the argument made him upset but what I didn’t understand was why he would give up so quickly. A relationship takes hard work and dedication and clearly he had missed that memo. Even when he told his parents about me they weren’t even the bit least excited because they were thinking aww here we go again lets see how long this lasts. Well in the back of my head i kept thinking i can’t trust this guy and there was just a lot of pressure to be perfect, and well NO ONE IS PERFECT. The moment I disagreed with him about an issue I was no longer the girl of his dreams and he was right out the door. Boy did i dodge a bullet. In fact during one of our dinner dates he compared me to his ex, the one girl who broke his heart that he had dated for a long time. He claimed I was better than her and that he had never felt that way before, but it had only been 2 weeks. YIKES —Epic Fail- Honestly he just screamed red flag, red fag, red flag. And to top it off he was indirectly emotionally unavailable. He listened to my stories and we spoke everyday but he never spoke about the deeper things he always kept the conversations on the surface and well I noticed it all. He figured he could just sweet talk me and make me feel like a princess and that everything would be fine. But while that is all gravy I wanted to know who he was as a person and really see if we were compatible and if we had chemistry. If a guy never lets you in and only takes you out you will never build a strong foundation, and at the end of the day you won’t trust him. Honestly he asked me to be his girlfriend after a week I believe and I just thought that was too quick. I wanted to get past the grace period and really see how we meshed together and just when i turned around to tie my shoelace he had floated away into another girl’s corner. Well me and one of my best friends pretty much said that his next relationship wouldn’t make it into the new year and well we were right, they broke up recently. I was hoping that maybe he would have matured and changed but unfortunately he didn’t. I mean i honestly don’t know why they broke up but what i can say is, true love fights and works through the tough times. So beware of “floaters” guys and gals…..RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!
Why Jealousy Has No Place In A Relationship
Are You A Benchwarmer?
Definition of a benchwarmer: a substitute who seldom plays, an athlete who plays only when a starter of the team is replaced or, “someone who fills a seat until the TRUE owner takes their seat.”
Have you ever been so into someone just to find out that that person had either just went through a bad breakup or just been hurt too many times and just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship? Sometimes a person will still choose to talk to someone even though they have made it clear that they want nothing further. They think that they can somehow change this person’s mind and sweep them off their feet. And what ends up happening is that the person they are into uses them and just “hangs out” with them whenever they are bored. By the time they realize that they have had enough their interest has met another amazing individual and is now ready to make them the “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. You were just the seat filler, the guy or girl they were “kicking it with” with until they were ready to actually put in effort for someone else. You were the person who made them realize they did want something real but took too long to realize it. Now someone else is benefiting from the fruits of your labor. It leaves you thinking, “what does he/she have that I don’t”? You feel insecure and just pissed that you ever gave that person any of your time. Does this sound familiar? If it does please read on. Here are 5 signs that you might be a benchwarmer and ways you can prevent this from ever happening again. (YOU ARE MORE THAN A SEAT FILLER, YOU ARE THE STAR OF THE GAME, THE MVP, AND DON’T YOU EVER FORGET THAT) If you start acting like an MVP, you will attract those who value, value the moment they see it.
1) Your person of interest does not take you out ever. If someone is interested in you and really wants to get to know you as a person they will invest time and money in order to do that. If they are looking for just another “buddy” to mess around with or fill time with they will hang out with you only at their house or yours and never offer to do anything that might require effort or involve your interests.
2) The person you like NEVER CALLS YOU and only texts you. I have said this before and I am going to say it again YOU ARE WORTH A PHONE CALL and if they don’t think that, you are definitely just a benchwarmer in their eyes.
3) The person you like only calls or texts you when they are bored. They don’t actually hit you up because they miss you and wan’t to talk to you, you are just another person in their phone who they can bug when they have no plans on a saturday night.
4) Nobody in this person’s circle knows about your existence. If the person you have an interest in hasn’t told not one person about you, then you are probably not someone they think is special, and the truth is YOU ARE.
5) This person has had their heart broken and now doesn’t feel like putting in any effort for you at all. They have a, “i don’t give a crap attitude” and you have become the shoulder they can lean on even when they didn’t ask for one. Chances are they are taking you for granted and making themselves emotionally unavailable on purpose. NEWS FLASH YOU DIDN’T HURT THEM, SO WHY SHOULD YOU PAY FOR THEIR EX’S MISTAKES…..you shouldn’t, you’re a freakin MVP please start acting like one.
A person can only continuously hurt you if you allow them to, don’t do that. I think a lot of times we forget our price tag and undermine our value. Your value is indefinite. Thanks for reading guys. Email me questions or ideas at iwantmykissesback@gmail.com and follow the iwantmykissesback blog on twitter @iwantmykisses
Forgiving Your Ex
Today I want to talk about something that I think a lot of people can relate to, and that is forgiving your ex. I felt it was necessary for me to do a post on this because forgiving my ex was one of the hardest things I had to do. In fact a part of why I started this blog has to do with the empowerment that I felt after actually forgiving my past. For me this blog symbolizes taking back your soul and really just working on having healthy relationships in today’s world. I do not think it would be possible for anybody to have a healthy relationship with someone if they held onto the pain from their past.
Awhile back I was in a very turbulent relationship. My ex didn’t show me affection, didn’t treat me the way that I deserved to be treated, and at the time I allowed it to happen. I was cheated on and lied to, and I was kept a secret from his family and friends. Now I know you guys are wondering why would you stay? why would you put up with that? Well there were times I didn’t stay, it was and on and off situation, but then we always came back to each other. One day I realized that I did not like who I became. I became simply a reflection of a man and had lost myself in someone who wasn’t even deserving of my love. This was not healthy and I had truly forgotten my worth, and I wanted my kisses back, they were given under false pretenses. He had walked away yet another time, but this time I was angry, I was a woman scorned. I wanted him to feel what I felt, cry those tears I cried. But then I realized I was wasting time concerned about someone who slept just fine at night. And I also realized that, that was not the person I was. The person I am would wish nothing bad on anyone else, not even an enemy.
My heart was broken and I couldn’t understand why for him I wasn’t enough. Well I stopped thinking I wasn’t enough, because I knew I was more than enough. I know I am not perfect but I was a very loving and forgiving girlfriend and I was not about to let this boy continue to have control over me and my soul. You see forgiveness is not for the other person. Most likely the other person is doing just fine. Forgiveness is truly for yourself. When you don’t forgive someone you hold on to the pain that they caused you. Why would you want to hold on to something that gets you no where. It’s like worrying, it’s like a rocking chair, you rock back and forth, but it gets you absolutely no where. No point in it at all. The same goes for forgiveness. When you hold onto what an ex did, you leave no room for you to grow or for someone else that treats you better to enter your life. It was hard. I cried a lot.
One thing I can truly say, is that my situation changed me as a woman. I no longer allow or will ever allow a man to treat me that way again. And I don’t think every man is like my ex, I know there are plenty of great men out there. I love myself wholeheartedly. I have my own life and my own individuality. I am not a woman scorned or simply a product of my circumstance. And that is my message to anyone out there struggling to forgive their ex. You do not have to be a product of your circumstance and there is someone else out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. What helped me get through that tough time in my life was my spiritual relationships, focusing on actually loving myself and doing things that allowed personal growth, and now I can honestly say I have forgiven my ex. I could have a cordial conversation with my ex without feeling angry or like I want them back or anything of that nature. I wish them nothing but the best and I actually hope they have learned from our experience and that they treat the next woman the way every woman should be treated; with true love and respect.
Remember you do not have to be a product of your circumstance. Take your soul back and get in control of your life. Moving on sometimes can be a great thing, because you have no idea what amazing things you have waiting for you.
For ways to get back that confidence and love for yourself check out my blog post entitled, Why you should date yourself before you date anyone else and Tips for getting over a Breakup.
Thanks for reading!!
-xoxo Kisses
The Top 5 Breakup Songs For The Summer of 2012
Sadly my favorite season ever is coming to a close. This summer some relationships came to an end while others have started to bloom. Throughout this entire summer I spent countless minutes in the car listening to the radio; hence hearing the classic repeated and overplayed top 40 songs. Here are my Top 5 Breakup songs for Summer 2012:
1) “Somebody that I Used to Know”- Gotye feat. Kimbra
2) “We are never ever getting back together” – Taylor Swift
3) “Pay Phone”- Maroon 5
4) “Climax”- Usher
5) “Heart Attack”- Trey Songz
Stay Tuned for new posts. Follow the iwantmykissesbackblog @iwantmykisses on twitter to keep up with the latest news/posts. Send any questions, emails or comments to iwantmykissesback@gmail.com
And as always, Thanks for reading!!!
xoxo Kisses
Exposed
First off I just want to say I am backkkk. I went on vacation and the summer was a little crazy, but I am so excited about the new posts that I have for you guys.
As the summer sadly approaches it’s end, I feel that it is only necessary to share a summer story from a few years back. Out of respect I will not include names. Two years ago me and one of my female friends were at a club when we met two guys. I knew of these guys before because of mutual friends, but this was the first time I had actually met them. At the club we exchanged numbers, and I didn’t really think much about it. After that night the guys hit me and my friend up and said they wanted to chill, and so we said okay. Little did I know that was a huge mistake.
Well we met up at a pier close to our neighborhood that has a lot of fun things to do by the water. I talked with “my guy” and my friend walked away with “her guy”. Everything was going fine, it was a simple outing in which we were just trying to get to know each other better. Well midway through my conversation with “my guy,” my friend came over and she looked very pissed. I asked her if she was okay, and she said under her breathe, “I will tell you later”. Naturally I was concerned, and right after we went home and went our separate ways. I called her as soon as I got in the house and she told me that the guy had exposed himself to her. I was shocked, when she said this, I was like, “what do you mean exposed.” She told me the guy took his penis out and showed it to her. I thought to myself, what the hell??? Who does that?? Was he on something? I was so upset that my friend even had to go through that.
She then told me that the conversation was stale and that out of nowhere he felt it was necessary to pull his penis out, and when she became shocked (because normal people don’t do that) he laughed and said, “you scared.” My friend was not scared she was appalled, shocked and disgusted. What the hell did he take her for? Did he think she would say, oh that’s nice, can i play? Did this kind of activity work for him on the regular? Because quite frankly I don’t see how it could. Not only was this boy (not a man) disrespectful he was also conceited and out of line. No guy should ever pull out their penis on a first date, let alone a second or third. I don’t even see how it is common protocol for any date, but I wanted to slap him in the face. Better yet how about slapping him with his own genitals, maybe then he would realize how out of line and ridiculous he was being. Anybody out there who is reading this, please please don’t expose yourself on a date, not only can you get yourself in trouble with the law but you also make yourself look like a complete douchebag and someone with no home training. Nobody should ever treat someone with that kind of disrespect and YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE!!!
Got a story, or a question? Send it to iwantmykissesback@gmail.com and follow the iwantmykissesback blog @iwantmykisses on twitter.
Thanks for reading!!
SEND ME YOUR CRAZY DATE STORIES
Hey guys so I plan on adding a section to my blog about crazy/hell date stories. I will post them up anonymously for discretion. It can be a really good or bad date. I know I have experienced some bad dates and even witnessed some. I think it will be interesting to see some of the dates that you guys have gone on. I can’t wait to read your stories. PLEASE EMAIL ME AT iwantmykissesback@gmail.com. Follow the Iwantmykissesback blog on twitter at @iwantmykisses. Also like the blog page on Facebook so you can hear about all the new posts. Thank you all for reading and stay tuned for some new posts. HAVE A GREATTT DAYY!!!!!!
EMAIL: IWANTMYKISSESBACK@GMAIL.COM
SEND YOUR STORIES!!!!!
once i get a good amount of stories i will post them up for you all to see and comment on as well!!!
Letter to the emotionally unavailable men of the world
**** Disclaimer: This letter is not a personal letter to anyone in specific even though it may appear that way. This letter is for those who have ever experienced dating an emotionally unavailable person (which can be frustrating) or who has even been that emotionally unavailable person. It can be frustrating on both ends. While this post is titled letter to the emotionally unavailable “men” of the world, being emotionally unavailable can apply to both genders. I am simply writing from my own point of view as a woman.
Dear Mr.I-Have-A-Wall-Up,
Please stop wasting my time. It is not my job to break down that wall you put up after Betsy broke your heart. I like mystery but if you give me nothing, that is all I will give you back. I do not have time to constantly try to prove myself and ask for forgiveness for a crime I didn’t commit. Stop waiting for Ms. Right to come along and change your whole viewpoint on women and relationships, because well she doesn’t exist. You create distance between people by relying heavily on impersonal means of communication like “texting”. You press ignore when she calls and you are always “busy,” but the moment she is ready to walk away you give her just enough to keep her there for just a moment longer. You were hurt and since then you refuse to open up to anyone else unless they pry information out of you by threatening to push you over a ledge. You play games with women to see how “strong” they are, and to see if they will put up with your b.s even when your not willing to put up with theirs. You use humor and sarcasm to cover up your real feelings and even if you miss her you keep it a secret. You will never fall in love because you simply do not allow yourself to do so. You are a wuss and afraid that if you let anyone in that they will do what “she did” or worse. You think being closed off makes you look cool but instead it makes you look weak. The strongest people in the world are those that allow themselves the opportunity to feel. No girl has ever made your heart skip a beat, except for Betsy who broke your heart and you go through woman like underwear. You leave them confused or even worse heartbroken because they thought you were all-in when you were really half-a**ing it the whole time. You keep dating in hopes that the next woman will break that wall down and sweep you off your feet, but it is impossible. Only you can break down that wall and allow love to grow in your heart. Anything worth having involves risks, but without taking those risks you will never develop a deep emotional connection with anyone. And in the process you will hurt many who were vulnerable enough to open up to you. In the end you think you are strong because you don’t feel the pain that she does and you move on with ease. But deep down inside their is a pain that lingers like the aroma left after a fire. You haven’t forgiven that person from your past and you are blaming the world for their mistakes. Guilty until proven innocent. But that my dear isn’t justice….nor is it love. Stop wasting my time and so many others. Work on yourself and once you remove that wall then think about giving me a call, but by then I probably would have moved on to someone who cared enough to give me an honest chance.
Sincerly,
Ms. Tired-of-Your-Crap-so-now- I- don’t- waste- my- time- with -you- anymore……
Ps: I want my kisses back………
“Think Like A Man” – Movie Review
Hey guys I hope all is well with you. It was requested that I write a review for the movie, “Think Like A Man” based off of Steve Harvey’s best seller, “Act like a lady, Think Like A Man.” First I have to say that I loved the movie and that I actually saw it twice. I rarely go to see a movie twice while it is in theatres. I read Steve Harvey’s Book years ago, so I had a little background before I even saw the movie. This movie interwines humor and real life issues that men and women go through in dating and relationships. I think that there is a wonderful balance of humor and plot. I love comedies so this movie did it for me. Kevin Hart who plays, “Cedric” is hilarious and will keep you laughing throughout the movie as he focuses on celebrating his “divorce”. In the beginning of the movie you are introduced to the cast who represents different types of daters/relationships. Here is a list of the characters, as well as the obstacles that they face.
Meagan Good (Mya-the 90 day rule) vs. Romany Malco (Zeke- the Player)
Jerry Ferrara (Jeremy, the non-committer) vs. Gabrielle Union (Kristen, the Ring girl)
Terrence Jenkins (Michael, The Momma’s Boy) vs. Regina Hall ( Candace, The Single Mother)
Michael Ealy (The Dreamer) vs. Taraji P. Henson (Lauren, The woman who is her own man)
Kevin Hart (Cedric, Happily Divorced Guy)
Gary Owen (Happily Married Guy)
I love these different scenarios because I feel that anyone can relate to at least one of these situations, or at least knows someone who has dealt with a similar situation. It is a clever battle of the sexes that shows how men and women really think. In the beginning the women flock to get Steve Harvey’s best seller and use it as a guide/way to manipulate their men into giving them what they want. It eventually backfires but teaches valuable relationship advice in the process. While I think that the book is helpful because it shows how men think and breaks it down, I also feel like most of what is in the book is common sense.
I actually felt that the acting in this movie was really good. I felt like I could identify with Meagan Good’s (Mya) character as well as Taraji’s (Lauren) character. Out of all of the scenarios represented my favorite on screen scenarios had to be, “The Dreamer” vs. “The woman who is her own man” and “The 90 day rule” vs. The player”. Many times when a woman is independent and so strong, she tries to play both roles (man and woman) and in the movie it shows exactly why this doesn’t work. It also shows that when a man has a very supportive woman who believes in his dreams by his side it will push him to realize his full potential. I felt that the difference in financial status was a great touch to this movie, because while I don’t think you should settle, I also think that some people are unrealistic. If a person you are dating is actually doing something to achieve their goals but not exactly where you are in life it doesn’t mean that they aren’t dating material. It is when a person is doing nothing to achieve what they want when you should reconsider.
I loved the scenario between Zeke and Mya because it represented knowing your worth and setting some standards. As Steve puts it “Men respect standards, get some.” This could not be more true. Someone can only treat you badly again and again if you allow them to. And if a guy doesn’t want to date you anymore or put in the time and effort to really getting to know your mind you can simply move on without feeling like you’ve lost a part of yourself. I think this is a very well organized movie that is not only relatable but ridiculousy funny. Kevin Hart is simply a clown and gives the movie just enough spice to keep you laughing till your belly hurts. I highly recommend this movie!!!
The Top 10 Places to Meet Men and Women
Hey guys so you know how hard dating can be. Too many times I hear people say they don’t know where to go to meet people. People are so tired of the club scene. I honestly think that the club is the worst place to meet someone, of course there are those few people that have success stories but from my own experience it is rare. Usually at the club there are men and women that are just trying to have a good time, they don’t want anything substantial. Also the club is filled with drunk people, and usually when you meet someone you want to be sober, just in my opinion. So here is a list of my top 10 places to meet a potential date. They are not in any particular order but these are places in which I have actually met someone, or even met an ex-boyfriend. Also some of my friends have met people in these situations as well. Let me know what you think:
1) A Bookstore-this makes the list because I loveee to read. I can literally spend hours in a bookstore just exploring. And I always see lots of men and women of all ages in barnes and nobles. And you might bump into someone who has similar interests as you.
2) Dance Class- or any type of interest/activity class/cooking/acting etc- This is a great place to meet someone.
3) Church- So I know not everyone goes to church, but for those of you that do this is a great place to potentially meet someone who has the similar values and religious views as you.
4) The Beach/Parks- summertime is just around the corner and EVERYONE- I mean EVERYONE will be at the beach and the parks (I know I will be)
5) Grocery Store-we all have to eat sometime, right?? While your pushing a cart through the aisles you might bump into your soul mate. You never know!
6) Live Music Venues/Concerts- I love live shows and I will even attend a show by myself. This is a perfect place to meet someone who also likes the same kind of music you like. (Already something in common)
7) Museums-I like going to museums and exploring new things. And some museums actually have cool events they put on monthly. For those of you in the NY area, the Brooklyn Museum has this cool event called “First Saturdays” every first saturday of the month in which they have live music and a multitude of different events.
8) The Gym- so many people workout daily. While getting yourself in shape you might meet someone while running on a treadmill.
9) Online- and of course you can meet both men and women online on dating websites. This is a good option for those people that are very busy or don’t go out often.
10) Lounges- While I am not a big fan of meeting someone at a club, a lounge is a little more upscale and classy. People are usually dressed to impress and it is a lot less rowdy than a club.
Hope you liked this list. If you have anymore suggestions or a topic you want to see, email me at iwantmykissesback@gmail.com
Thanks for reading!!
Kisses xoxo