Category: Relationships/Dating

How To Put God First In Your Relationship

Posted on by Kisses

God is so important to me and I have been growing my relationship with him every day. In the past, I have been in relationships that were not Godly relationships. I have always believed in God but I was not following scripture like I should have been. I was not celibate always and I relied heavily on my own will and not God’s. Needless to say, none of my past relationships worked out. As I embark on this new spiritual journey and closeness to God I realize just how important it is to have Godly friendships and relationships.

I think in order for you to have a successful relationship it needs to be a God relationship. And let me be clear, a good relationship is not always a God relationship. Moving forward I want confirmation from God in every area of my life, including relationships. A lot of times we can make a person our idol and when you make a person your everything the moment you don’t have them anymore you feel you have lost everything. Many people make their significant other, or their spouse, and things their idols but by having a good foundation in Christ I believe you can prevent this. I am not a relationship expert, but one thing I do know is that God makes me better. I tried to do things my way and it didn’t work and so now I am striving to do things God’s way. I want to be in agreement and alignment with God and that includes relationships. In the bible, there is no script on exactly how to date but there are scriptures there that can help guide you.

Here are 4 ways you can put God first in your relationship:

  1. Stay in your word: Psalm 119:10-11 says:  “With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” In order to put God first in a relationship, you must continuously seek God out. You must always make time for him and spend time with him; which means speaking to him and reading his word. If you seek God wholeheartedly and look to scripture when things get hard you will hear his voice and be able to discern what is right and what is wrong. Not every relationship will work out but by keeping God first you will be able to discern if the relationship you are in is the right one.
  2. Pray for each other: I thought about saying praying with each other but I think that depends on the people involved. Prayer is very intimate and I think that praying with someone can cause deep emotions and can lead to you not fully guarding your heart depending on how deep you go. I think it depends on the two people involved. But one thing that I think is a necessity is to pray for your partner. I think there is nothing more beautiful than praying for the covering of your significant other. Not only are you including God in your relationship but you are also showing your genuine love by praying for your significant other’s heart and well-being.
  3. Sacrifice: Relationships are not easy. While I think a relationship should flow easily and not feel forced I also know that there is no such thing as a perfect mate. We are all imperfectly perfect and we all come up short. A lot of times we can get too prideful and not be open to compromise, but that is not love. In Corinthians 12:4-8 it tells us what love is, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Love takes sacrifice, and it takes patience.
  4. Flee from sexual immorality and temptation: 1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” Sex is meant for marriage. I understand that this can be a tough one as I was not always celibate but I want to walk with God and do things right. I know that this can be a challenge and that we can slip up but I challenge you to try again even if you do slip up. Even in a logical sense abstaining from sex until getting married makes sense. You can get pregnant and be exposed to all types of diseases. Sex can cloud your judgment. It can make you stay in a relationship that is clearly not for you. It causes soul ties and can make it extremely difficult to part ways with someone who may not be who God intended you to be with. By waiting to have sex before marriage you are allowing yourself to have a clear heart and mind. You can now focus on someone’s heart and if you have a real connection outside of the physical. Every couple is different so you need to come up with clear boundaries that work for you and your partner. Some couples choose not to kiss, others can handle kissing. It really depends on both parties and self-control. You have to use wisdom in figuring out your boundaries. 

No relationship is easy but when you put God at the forefront of your relationship you will have a very strong foundation and if it is God’s will for your life it will be amazing. Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to check out my other/sister website www.selfloveempowers.com for all things Self-Love.

With Love,

– Leslie

Let Him Pursue You

Posted on by Kisses

In the Bible, it says, “He that finds a wife, finds a good thing, not she that finds a husband.” Often times we get caught up and fall for a guy and we start chasing him and pursuing him. I used to do this. I used to always initiate contact, try to make plans and try to force things.

Let me tell you right now, what is for you is for you and you will not have to chase a soulmate. Queen, are you searching and looking for “the one” everywhere you go? I used to do this. The cute guy at the store in the mall, the guy online, the guy on Instagram or the guy in my class, etc. I was always thinking could he be my husband. The problem with this thinking is that by doing this my energy was off. I gave off an aura of desperation and that repels men. On top of that by trying to pursue a man I didn’t allow room for a man to pursue me. I was so obsessed with wanting to find love and be in love that I decided I needed to take matters in my own hands. How crazy of me to think that God could handle every area in my life but my love life.

So year after year I was doing things my own way, not trusting God and pursuing men that I had no business pursuing. Ignoring red flags left and right because I just wanted love so bad. It took me losing myself to really find myself in God. It wasn’t until I took time to love myself and learn who I am in Christ that I stopped doing the pursuing. You see men are supposed to lead and I truly believe that the man for you will lead you and will see you when God shows you to him. You do not have to pursue the one for you because he will pursue you.

When God created Eve he took Adam’s rib out of him and created her. When he saw her he knew who she was because she was part of him, she came from him. Your soulmate, the one for you, will see you and his spirit will resonate with you. He will be drawn to you and it might even be unexplainable, but most importantly he will pursue you. He will initiate contact, put in effort and plan dates. He will want to learn all about you and your heart and he will see you. We often want a man to lead us but are too busy trying to lead and create something from nothing. I know sometimes it can feel like when will it happen for me God, when will I meet my husband etc, but I promise you once you start living a life of purpose, start loving yourself (find out how here), and start seeking a whole life, that is when your help mate will seek you. Trust God’s timing and live an empowered life; that way when your boo does pursue you, you will be prepared and ready to love in a healthy way. Thank you so much for reading!!! Be sure to check out my other/sister website that is all about Self-Love at www.selfloveempowers.com. 

-Leslie 

How many years will you waste on that fuckboy?

Posted on by Kisses

“But we’ve been together so long.” “But I love him and he is just getting his life together.” “He just needs time to figure out his feelings. “ Life is too short to be waiting on someone to act right. I don’t care how long you have been with someone, the amount of time you date someone doesn’t negate all of the times they have treated you like shit. A lifetime spent with a person who doesn’t treat you right is way worse than a few years. I am telling you this for your own good. The time you waste on that fuckboy is time wasted and time taken away from building your empire, building up yourself, and possibly meeting the REAL love of your life.

This is not a blog post to bash you or make you feel terrible. This is a wake up before you waste anymore time and start living your life post. A man will only change if he wants to change, you cannot change him. In fact you may be building him up for another woman. How many times have you seen a girl date a guy who wasn’t acting right but to then act right for the girl who came after? Crazy, but so often reality.

He doesn’t call you for days or weeks, he cheats on you, he has nothing going on in his life, and he treats you like a doormat. You stay because you love him unconditionally even though he doesn’t love you the same. Love doesn’t = ill treatment. Real love shows up, is consistent, involves true effort, and respect. Do you know why a man treats a woman good? It’s because he wants to. If he isn’t treating you good it’s because he doesn’t care enough, doesn’t want to, or he isn’t ready for a real relationship, either way it is not your duty to wait around for him to care enough. If he doesn’t care enough now why will he care enough later? A lot of times people realize what they have once it’s gone, but who wants a person who only realizes their worth once they are gone? Why would you want someone who you have to leave in order for them to act right? That time you waste waiting on his calls, blowing him up or stalking the girls’ pages he likes on Instagram could be spent on experiencing life, your career goals, your spiritual relationship, and overall self-care.

Don’t waste another minute. One thought that can help you move on or when you see yourself getting caught back up in an unhealthy situation is to ask yourself, “what if my (future/present daughter) was being treated this way? “What if my mother, sister or best friend was being treated this way?” Would you want her to date a guy like this? And just like that reality hits, remember your worth and who made you. Start loving yourself enough to walk away and live your life. The right guy WON’T waste your time.

I Stopped Chasing Him And Started Chasing Myself

Posted on by Kisses

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There was a time when all I wanted was love. I was addicted to love and being in love. The feeling of anticipation that occurred during countless hours on the phone or after hanging out and forgetting all of life’s problems. I craved a life partner. I needed love like I needed air. Without it I felt empty and every time a relationship failed, I felt empty and worthless. I accepted ill treatment from different guys in dating and relationships and I tried to make them love me, because I didn’t love myself. My worth was defined by their ability or inability to love me. How foolish I was to think that I needed their validation to be amazing.

For years I tried to force connections with people who I clearly didn’t connect with because you see we had to make it work because if it didn’t work then what was love really. I accepted half-assed effort, shit I accepted no effort and gave my all to men who didn’t even deserve me, but back then I didn’t know. I am growing. I am changing. While I still suffer from insecurities (I am a work in progress) I no longer chase love. After all those years of chasing I got tired and I got lost. I was chasing them, but no one was chasing me. I didn’t know who Leslie was and I really wanted to know her again.

If I said I now no longer want a relationship, I would be lying. I want a relationship when the time is right, but not just any kind of relationship. I want a real love, a love that is consistent, unconditional, spiritual, and authentic, and I will not accept anything less. I used to cry many nights wondering why this guy didn’t love me or why he wasn’t showing me effort. I overanalyzed everything and I thought that if I did this and that that he would finally put in as much as effort as me. A guy will put in effort for the girl he wants, so if he is not doing that he doesn’t want you. A guy not wanting you says nothing about your value. Sometimes there is a lack of connection and chemistry, sometimes you know you don’t connect but you want so desperately to do so that you try to force it. Sometimes he can’t love you because he doesn’t even love himself. And sometimes he is just a total douchebag. But no matter what the reason, know this, your value does not decrease because of someone’s inability to see your worth. You will lose yourself trying so hard to hold onto someone who doesn’t care about losing you.

After that relationship and a few others failed. I spent some time with God and myself. I realized that you do not need to chase a soul mate. I realized that God created me, and that meant that I was amazing and that anyone who couldn’t see that didn’t deserve me or was just not meant for me. I basked in my awkwardness and randomness. I fell in love with every inch of my body, acne scars and all and started focusing on my goals, and experiencing life. I craved God and I started working on my relationship with him and instead of filling that void in my heart with undeserving men, people or things I filled it with him. Everyday I am learning more and more on how to do this, but I feel more at peace. I missed the woman I used to be and so I started looking for her and chasing her. I spent alone time with her and learned just how fierce she is, lol. I took time to evaluate why I used to chase the wrongs things. I found love in God and in myself.

Now if I meet a guy and he starts distancing himself or treating me wrong, I simply walk away, because “ain’t nobody got time for that”. #Notimeforshenanigans. I rather be alone than date someone who doesn’t know my worth or who isn’t man enough to say how he truly feels. Often times we chase people or things to fill the voids in us instead of filling that void with true self-love. We feel ecstatic when he calls but feel empty and lost when he doesn’t. Stop chasing him and start chasing yourself. We must find validation in ourselves. Know that you are enough; you are so enough that it’s not even funny how enough you are. Some people won’t be able to embrace you; some people don’t even know how to love because they don’t even know how to love themselves. When you take the time to truly love yourself you will realize that not everyone will love you, and you won’t care. You will find out what you love and hate and create steadfast values and live in your truth. You will love yourself flaws and all and stop trying to get a man to do the same. The right man will come at the right time when you are not looking. The right man will love you just as you are and you won’t have to chase him; he will pursue you effortlessly. And then it will be your decision if you want to choose him back. Stop settling and stop chasing other people. You do NOT have to chase a soul mate. I kept searching for love in all the wrong places. And then I found God and myself and realized that love has been here this whole time.