June 2012 - I Want My Kisses Back

**** Disclaimer: This letter is not a personal letter to anyone in specific even though it may appear that way. This letter is for those who have ever experienced dating an emotionally unavailable person (which can be frustrating) or who has even been that emotionally unavailable person. It can be frustrating on both ends. While this post is titled letter to the emotionally unavailable “men” of the world, being emotionally unavailable can apply to both genders. I am simply writing from my own point of view as a woman.

Dear Mr.I-Have-A-Wall-Up,
Please stop wasting my time. It is not my job to break down that wall you put up after Betsy broke your heart. I like mystery but if you give me nothing, that is all I will give you back. I do not have time to constantly try to prove myself and ask for forgiveness for a crime I didn’t commit. Stop waiting for Ms. Right to come along and change your whole viewpoint on women and relationships, because well she doesn’t exist. You create distance between people by relying heavily on impersonal means of communication like “texting”. You press ignore when she calls and you are always “busy,” but the moment she is ready to walk away you give her just enough to keep her there for just a moment longer. You were hurt and since then you refuse to open up to anyone else unless they pry information out of you by threatening to push you over a ledge. You play games with women to see how “strong” they are, and to see if they will put up with your b.s even when your not willing to put up with theirs. You use humor and sarcasm to cover up your real feelings and even if you miss her you keep it a secret. You will never fall in love because you simply do not allow yourself to do so. You are a wuss and afraid that if you let anyone in that they will do what “she did” or worse. You think being closed off makes you look cool but instead it makes you look weak. The strongest people in the world are those that allow themselves the opportunity to feel. No girl has ever made your heart skip a beat, except for Betsy who broke your heart and you go through woman like underwear. You leave them confused or even worse heartbroken because they thought you were all-in when you were really half-a**ing it the whole time. You keep dating in hopes that the next woman will break that wall down and sweep you off your feet, but it is impossible. Only you can break down that wall and allow love to grow in your heart. Anything worth having involves risks, but without taking those risks you will never develop a deep emotional connection with anyone. And in the process you will hurt many who were vulnerable enough to open up to you. In the end you think you are strong because you don’t feel the pain that she does and you move on with ease. But deep down inside their is a pain that lingers like the aroma left after a fire. You haven’t forgiven that person from your past and you are blaming the world for their mistakes. Guilty until proven innocent. But that my dear isn’t justice….nor is it love. Stop wasting my time and so many others. Work on yourself and once you remove that wall then think about giving me a call, but by then I probably would have moved on to someone who cared enough to give me an honest chance.

Sincerly,
Ms. Tired-of-Your-Crap-so-now- I- don’t- waste- my- time- with -you- anymore……

Ps: I want my kisses back………

Hey guys I hope all is well with you. It was requested that I write a review for the movie, “Think Like A Man” based off of Steve Harvey’s best seller, “Act like a lady, Think Like A Man.” First I have to say that I loved the movie and that I actually saw it twice. I rarely go to see a movie twice while it is in theatres. I read Steve Harvey’s Book years ago, so I had a little background before I even saw the movie. This movie interwines humor and real life issues that men and women go through in dating and relationships. I think that there is a wonderful balance of humor and plot. I love comedies so this movie did it for me. Kevin Hart who plays, “Cedric” is hilarious and will keep you laughing throughout the movie as he focuses on celebrating his “divorce”. In the beginning of the movie you are introduced to the cast who represents different types of daters/relationships. Here is a list of the characters, as well as the obstacles that they face.

Meagan Good (Mya-the 90 day rule) vs. Romany Malco (Zeke- the Player)
Jerry Ferrara (Jeremy, the non-committer) vs. Gabrielle Union (Kristen, the Ring girl)
Terrence Jenkins (Michael, The Momma’s Boy) vs. Regina Hall ( Candace, The Single Mother)
Michael Ealy (The Dreamer) vs. Taraji P. Henson (Lauren, The woman who is her own man)
Kevin Hart (Cedric, Happily Divorced Guy)
Gary Owen (Happily Married Guy)

I love these different scenarios because I feel that anyone can relate to at least one of these situations, or at least knows someone who has dealt with a similar situation. It is a clever battle of the sexes that shows how men and women really think. In the beginning the women flock to get Steve Harvey’s best seller and use it as a guide/way to manipulate their men into giving them what they want. It eventually backfires but teaches valuable relationship advice in the process. While I think that the book is helpful because it shows how men think and breaks it down, I also feel like most of what is in the book is common sense.

I actually felt that the acting in this movie was really good. I felt like I could identify with Meagan Good’s (Mya) character as well as Taraji’s (Lauren) character. Out of all of the scenarios represented my favorite on screen scenarios had to be, “The Dreamer” vs. “The woman who is her own man” and “The 90 day rule” vs. The player”. Many times when a woman is independent and so strong, she tries to play both roles (man and woman) and in the movie it shows exactly why this doesn’t work. It also shows that when a man has a very supportive woman who believes in his dreams by his side it will push him to realize his full potential. I felt that the difference in financial status was a great touch to this movie, because while I don’t think you should settle, I also think that some people are unrealistic. If a person you are dating is actually doing something to achieve their goals but not exactly where you are in life it doesn’t mean that they aren’t dating material. It is when a person is doing nothing to achieve what they want when you should reconsider.

I loved the scenario between Zeke and Mya because it represented knowing your worth and setting some standards. As Steve puts it “Men respect standards, get some.” This could not be more true. Someone can only treat you badly again and again if you allow them to. And if a guy doesn’t want to date you anymore or put in the time and effort to really getting to know your mind you can simply move on without feeling like you’ve lost a part of yourself. I think this is a very well organized movie that is not only relatable but ridiculousy funny. Kevin Hart is simply a clown and gives the movie just enough spice to keep you laughing till your belly hurts. I highly recommend this movie!!!