Sadly my favorite season ever is coming to a close. This summer some relationships came to an end while others have started to bloom. Throughout this entire summer I spent countless minutes in the car listening to the radio; hence hearing the classic repeated and overplayed top 40 songs. Here are my Top 5 Breakup songs for Summer 2012:
Tag: love
SEND ME YOUR CRAZY DATE STORIES
Hey guys so I plan on adding a section to my blog about crazy/hell date stories. I will post them up anonymously for discretion. It can be a really good or bad date. I know I have experienced some bad dates and even witnessed some. I think it will be interesting to see some of the dates that you guys have gone on. I can’t wait to read your stories. PLEASE EMAIL ME AT iwantmykissesback@gmail.com. Follow the Iwantmykissesback blog on twitter at @iwantmykisses. Also like the blog page on Facebook so you can hear about all the new posts. Thank you all for reading and stay tuned for some new posts. HAVE A GREATTT DAYY!!!!!!
EMAIL: IWANTMYKISSESBACK@GMAIL.COM
SEND YOUR STORIES!!!!!
once i get a good amount of stories i will post them up for you all to see and comment on as well!!!
“Think Like A Man” – Movie Review
Hey guys I hope all is well with you. It was requested that I write a review for the movie, “Think Like A Man” based off of Steve Harvey’s best seller, “Act like a lady, Think Like A Man.” First I have to say that I loved the movie and that I actually saw it twice. I rarely go to see a movie twice while it is in theatres. I read Steve Harvey’s Book years ago, so I had a little background before I even saw the movie. This movie interwines humor and real life issues that men and women go through in dating and relationships. I think that there is a wonderful balance of humor and plot. I love comedies so this movie did it for me. Kevin Hart who plays, “Cedric” is hilarious and will keep you laughing throughout the movie as he focuses on celebrating his “divorce”. In the beginning of the movie you are introduced to the cast who represents different types of daters/relationships. Here is a list of the characters, as well as the obstacles that they face.
Meagan Good (Mya-the 90 day rule) vs. Romany Malco (Zeke- the Player)
Jerry Ferrara (Jeremy, the non-committer) vs. Gabrielle Union (Kristen, the Ring girl)
Terrence Jenkins (Michael, The Momma’s Boy) vs. Regina Hall ( Candace, The Single Mother)
Michael Ealy (The Dreamer) vs. Taraji P. Henson (Lauren, The woman who is her own man)
Kevin Hart (Cedric, Happily Divorced Guy)
Gary Owen (Happily Married Guy)
I love these different scenarios because I feel that anyone can relate to at least one of these situations, or at least knows someone who has dealt with a similar situation. It is a clever battle of the sexes that shows how men and women really think. In the beginning the women flock to get Steve Harvey’s best seller and use it as a guide/way to manipulate their men into giving them what they want. It eventually backfires but teaches valuable relationship advice in the process. While I think that the book is helpful because it shows how men think and breaks it down, I also feel like most of what is in the book is common sense.
I actually felt that the acting in this movie was really good. I felt like I could identify with Meagan Good’s (Mya) character as well as Taraji’s (Lauren) character. Out of all of the scenarios represented my favorite on screen scenarios had to be, “The Dreamer” vs. “The woman who is her own man” and “The 90 day rule” vs. The player”. Many times when a woman is independent and so strong, she tries to play both roles (man and woman) and in the movie it shows exactly why this doesn’t work. It also shows that when a man has a very supportive woman who believes in his dreams by his side it will push him to realize his full potential. I felt that the difference in financial status was a great touch to this movie, because while I don’t think you should settle, I also think that some people are unrealistic. If a person you are dating is actually doing something to achieve their goals but not exactly where you are in life it doesn’t mean that they aren’t dating material. It is when a person is doing nothing to achieve what they want when you should reconsider.
I loved the scenario between Zeke and Mya because it represented knowing your worth and setting some standards. As Steve puts it “Men respect standards, get some.” This could not be more true. Someone can only treat you badly again and again if you allow them to. And if a guy doesn’t want to date you anymore or put in the time and effort to really getting to know your mind you can simply move on without feeling like you’ve lost a part of yourself. I think this is a very well organized movie that is not only relatable but ridiculousy funny. Kevin Hart is simply a clown and gives the movie just enough spice to keep you laughing till your belly hurts. I highly recommend this movie!!!
Why you should date yourself before you date anyone else
Okay some of you are probably thinking, “date yourself” what the hell are you talking about. Well let me explain. I think that in order for a person to love you, you need to not just love yourself first but also be completely comfortable with yourself. My best friend made me realize that I was not comfortable with myself a while back. I love myself dearly but being comfortable was a whole other level. Ask yourself this: Do you do things that you love to do by yourself? Or do you always need a companion by your side to go out and enjoy life? If your friends or a potential date isn’t available do you sit inside thinking “oh well they are flaky i will just stay in tonight” Put an end to that now. Can you go to the movies by yourself and not feel awkward? How about a concert? or those salsa lessons you’ve always wanted to try? Or that new poetry spot. If you feel awkward doing things by yourself then you are probably not fully comfortable with yourself. Of course there are some activities that do require others and I do not suggest going out to eat by yourself but there are plenty of things you can do by yourself.
I think that a person who can go out and enjoy life without needing a significant other or person to validate them or keep them company is the most desirable candidate. Think about it. A person who is comfortable and confident with their own identity will most likely not be needy or clingy because they don’t need another person’s attention to validate their own existence. They simply exist and enjoy life. A significant other would simply complement them but not define them. And why would you want to put so much power in another person’s hand? Honestly some people put a lot of pressure on their mates by relying on them for everything/happiness and that pushes people away. Nobody wants that type of responsibility because the moment they make a mistake or do something wrong they fear they can easily break your heart. The man or woman who has his or her own life and friends, and passions are the most sought out candidates in the dating world. They are strong and confident and can live just fine without another person by their side. They know how to make themselves happy so it makes it easier for them to make a potential candidate even happier. They exude positive energy and everyone loves and wants to be around positive energy.
I love anything comedic for that very reason. Comedy makes me laugh and smiling is good for the soul so I can watch funny videos/shows for hours. The same goes for being around someone, if they exude positive energy you are automatically going to be drawn to them. Nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly negative, and always in need of attention. In fact most people want to give others attention when they do not ask for it. Think about it. Usually when a person blows up your phone and gives you no space to breathe you get irritated and you pull away but when they don’t you want to speak to them more. If you are not comfortable in your own skin I suggest you focus on that before you focus on another. People cannot fill the voids that we need to fill ourselves. If you rely on others all the time for your own happiness you will end up unhappy. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Focus on yourself, your health and appearance. Have fun, do things with your friends and put that energy into your career. Love will come when you least expect it and once you know how to truly love yourself you will be able to love someone else.
Kisses xoxo
Chemistry is simply not enough!
So you’ve met this guy or girl who you think really gets you. You both click really well and he or she laughs at your jokes and you already have inside jokes together. You both can talk on the phone for hours at a time and you guys have ….dare I say it, CHEMISTRY. This person makes your heart skip a beat whenever they are around or they make you laugh so much that your belly hurts and now you think you want to be in a relationship with them. Let me say this right now, chemistry is not enough and it never will be and here’s why:
Just because you and someone else have chemistry doesn’t mean you are compatible. To be honest there will probably be quite a few people that you come across that you “click” with and have that so called, “connection” with, but you need to connect on all levels; body, mind and soul. Ask yourself these very important questions: Are you and the person you like actually compatible? Do you have the same religious views? Do you both wants kids? If so, when do you want kids? What are your career goals? and do they intertwine? Do you both want to get married? Do you both have similar goals in terms of location? How do each of you deal with conflict? How are both parties with their families? Are there kids involved? How are you with money? Are you a neat freak? Does it matter if a person isn’t a neat freak? These are the things you really need to discuss if you actually want to develop a relationship with someone. You can talk to someone till 4 in the morning about how much you love 90’s nick, which is great but don’t forget those important questions along the way. It will save you so much time and money and maybe even a “broken” heart. If your long-term goals don’t line up then chances are you will have a lot of turbulence in your relationship down the line.
At the same time it goes both ways, if you are compatible with someone but have no spark or chemistry it will also not work out. Does this person give you butterflies in your tummy? Do you think about them in the morning and before you go to sleep at night? Do they make your heart smile? (yes i know sentimental and gushy- but i am serious) If you don’t feel that spark, compatibility won’t matter either because that relationship will get boring real quick. You need both chemistry and compatibility for a relationship to thrive. It’s like those “now what” commercials. Okay so you are cute and I am attracted to you, now what??? You need more than a cute face. Okay so we spoke till 4 in the morning for 4 nights in a row….now what??? Remember chemistry is simply not enough.
Thanks for reading, please subscribe and send your comments and story ideas my way: iwantmykissesback@gmail.com
-Kisses xoxo
A Witness to Bull****
Two weeks ago right before valentine’s day I witnessed a very sad and appalling travesty. Yes I feel the need to be completely dramatic, because what I saw was that serious. I went to dinner with one of my close female friends and as we were sitting in “Fridays” my friend informed me that the female behind me had just been stood up midway into dinner. WHATTT!! So pretty much the waiter asked the guy that she was with to see his id after he ordered an alcoholic beverage and then he said oh I think I dropped my id outside when I got out the car. Well she was waiting for him for atleast an hour because he had gone to leave before me and my friend had received our food and we were finished and ready to go and she was left alone. What makes this whole thing even worse is the fact that the guy was also her ride. My friend overheard the whole story while I stepped away to go to the restroom. I wanted to turn around so bad and show my sympathy for this girl. This is an example of complete and utter bull***. This guy takes the cake and award for a**hole of the year. No woman should be left alone on a date, even if the person isn’t interested. Not only was this woman left with the bill, but she was left with no ride. You have to be a very heartless and cold person to do that to someone. I hope she knows that she deserves so much better. Guys like that make it harder for the great men of the world to date, because more women have their guards up and refuse to let them in. Moral of the story is, there are some cold people out there, but if something like this happens to you, it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It probably means you need to choose better and that the next time you see this person on street please trip them into reality, cause that isn’t cool. Know your worth, and everyone is worth more than that. No one deserves that kind of treatment so hold your head high and keep it moving. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!—he definitely is not—-loser
Nice guys do finish last!!!
You know the saying, “nice guys finish last,” well I agree with this. Now before you scream at me like whatttt, let me explain. In my opinion I think that a woman wants a guy who is a nice guy but has a little bad side to them. When I say bad I mean mysterious and fun. While I do want a good/nice guy, a lot of good guys are not mysterious and give way too much way too soon. I personally want a guy that can keep me on my toes and treat me good at the same time. I like to wonder a little and I like a guy that doesn’t reveal all of himself all at once. While I like some mystery that doesn’t mean I want a guy that leaves me hanging and confused on where we stand, it just means I like a guy that gives me my own space and time to miss him and who will also give me more of himself gradually.
There was this guy I dated once and he was a nice guy but he was just too nice. He always agreed with me, he smothered me and honestly he kissed my a**. That is nice for a little while but after awhile that ish gets boring. I want someone who will tell me when I am wrong and speak their mind. (Respectfully ofcourse : ) We are human and we love challenges, it is just a part of our nature, so if something is too easy after awhile we want something different and new. “Mr. too nice” that I was talking about earlier was also super cheesy. Sometimes when a guy is too nice he comes off cheesy, because it seems like he’s trying too hard. Sometimes the too nice act can come off as phony and just straight thirsty, and nobody wants a thirsty dude…it is simply not cute. There are guys out there that decide you know what I am not going to be nice anymore and I am going to be an a**hole so I can attract more women. I don’t think you need to be an a**hole to attract women. I think that you have to be nice within reason and not give everything up so soon. It’s like sex. If someone gives it up too soon sometimes they can come off as being too easy, and nobody wants an easy girl or guy. It is the same concept for dating, nobody wants someone who isn’t a challenge. Everyone likes a chase. I am not a fan of games so I am a pretty direct person, but at the same time I like to leave certain things up to imagination.
Give someone time to miss you, don’t blow up their phone. Live your life and show the person you are interested in that you care without being too overbearing. If you are too clingy and too nice too soon it comes off as needy, predictable and just okay. You never want to be just “okay” to someone, cause then that means they are just not that into you. As for the a**holes of the world, yeah they might get a lot of traffic coming their way but you have to ask yourself what type of women are they attracting. Are those women secure with who they are? Do they know their self worth? Because if a women is secure with who she is, she won’t put up with a guy who is an a**hole or a dick. I am guilty of putting up with it in the past, but now I refuse to do that, because then not only would nice guys finish last but so would I. The keyword here is balance, balance, balance. Be yourself, live your life, but dont be overbearing, too predictable or thirsty. Don’t give it all away at once. You have so much to give, so spread it out and keep her wondering…..she will stick around to find out more I promise.
If you want me to write about a certain topic, answer a question or you have a comment feel free to email me at iwantmykissesback@gmail.com
Kisses
Live A Little – No More Self-sabotage
So before I begin, I would like to sincerely apologize for my absence. Life got a little crazy and I have been so busy,… but enough of that. One of my problems is that I worry way too much. I over analyze everything instead of just letting things be. I haven’t always been this way, but unfortunately my past kept hitting me in the face. I decided to take a stand and I started hitting my past right back in the face and I told him to HOP OFF cause for once in my life I don’t give a s***. I refuse to let my past define me anymore, I MAKE MYSELF, not anyone else.
If you find yourself questioning every moment and everything in your life, STOP IT- no seriously, coming from a person who has done that in the past it gets you no where. I was talking to a guy once and I would ask him stuff like, “do you think we are compatible?”, “did you miss me?”, “but what if?” . That was a big no no, I just came off as insecure, and it made it seem like I doubted his feelings for me when in reality he gave me absolutely no reason to doubt his feelings at all. He was affectionate, open, and honest, and we had a lot of fun together, but I was messing things up by questioning everything. We could be having a great time and I would then mess up a perfectly romantic moment with an annoying insecure question. And that’s when I had to take a deep look at myself and I realized that because I had been in an on and off relationship with a man who always gave me reason to doubt him, insecurity had become a part of my character. He wasn’t open, he was secretive, he betrayed my trust, he wasn’t affectionate, and those were all red flags that I didn’t pay attention to until the damage was done. But instead of blaming him or myself about it I decided to leave it in the past. It happened, I learned from it and I am no longer in that situation so there is no reason for me to take any baggage with me. I left that crap in the back alley, so why would i take a bag for keep sake? Before that situation I was super confident, and wasn’t the type to nag or question everything. I choose to live a little because if I don’t I will mess up all my relationships over someone who really doesn’t matter at all. Why keep someone relevant if they aren’t???
Now I am going with the flow of things, and if a guy gives me any reason to doubt him, and I mean a real reason I just won’t continue talking to him. If a guy or girl gives you any reason to doubt them then chances are the relationship won’t last, or it will be rocky. The person you are with should never give you a reason to doubt yourself or what you guys have. Remember to love yourself. I had to really take a good look at myself and say in my Madea voice, “what the hell are you doing?” Life is wayyy too short to stress everything, and if the right someone comes along and is treating you right don’t mess it up with unnecessary things. I would say if you are in this place to work on loving yourself more. It sometimes takes time and won’t happen overnight but it can indeed happen. Do things that make you happy. I would say be so sure of yourself that you wake up saying “man i am the s***!” I am not saying turn into this cocky person, but be yourself and love you with all your might, because you deserve the best and you are probably giving yourself less credit than you actually deserve. Know your worth and your price tag, don’t put yourself on the clearance rack. Go with the flow and enjoy the moment. Life is too short to not live a little. Actually LIVE A LOT!!!!
Tips For Getting Over A Breakup
First off I would like to apologize for my absence within the last few weeks. Shame on me, but I will continue to try to write more often. One topic that I really wanted to touch on was breakups. Breakups can be really hard but I dont think that it needs to be terrible. Time heals all wounds but I am going to include some tips that have helped me in the past when I was going through a pretty bad breakup. When it first happens it’s usually really hard to break all ties with someone you are probably used to seeing often and speaking to on a daily basis but if you are truly choosing to breakup without friendship then here are some things that I suggest.
BTW I am actually not a fan of breaking up over petty things, actually even some big things. Like Pleasure P says in his song, “Did you wrong”, “the easiest thing you can do is to leave”. If the person you are with is truly worth it then dont break up because of a stupid argument, something that happened before you were together, insecurities or not wanting to compromise. WORK THAT ISH OUT, no seriously….. (says Ms. Stubborn- hey I’m working on it)
Tip # 1: Watch a Madea Clip- no seriously watch it, it will make you smile
(Update- sadly these clips were removed from youtube)
Tip # 2: Never make someone your everything because the moment the relationship is over you feel like you’ve lost everything, but that’s not the case. Do not base your happiness and well-being on being with another, you need to be happy with yourself first. Have your own life and friends. Focus on yourself and achieving your goals.
Tip # 3: Do not call or text. I know this is easier said than done but doing these things only prolongs the process and if you know you have no intention on getting back with this person there is no reason to waste your time. Label their name as “Do not call” or “Danger”. Or you can delete the number or go as far as getting an app that blocks calls from them.
Tip # 4: If you are a music lover I suggest listening to music, and empowering songs. I listen to music when I am down and it makes me feel so much better. Try to stay away from sad love songs and songs that remind you of your significant person. A song that I think is very uplifting is, “Golden” by Jill Scott.
Tip # 5: Friends, Friends, Friends- Hang out with your friends to take your mind off them. Eventually that person will be an after thought and then you will be able to move on. Also remember they are there for you when you need them.
Tip # 6: If you did all you could do and the relationship still failed- Accept what God has allowed. (I understand not everyone believes in God) So i will also say things happen for a reason. And the truth of the matter is that if you were meant to be with that person it will happen.
Tip # 7: Cry, let it out. Crying doesn’t make you weak. If anything those who have the courage to cry when they are hurt are truly strong people in my eyes. I cry when im upset to myself because I feel like I am cleansing my soul and I feel like a weight is lifted off of me. Remember “the strongest people in the morning, cry themselves to sleep at night”.
Hope this helps. If you have any suggestions or want me to answer a question or discuss a topic feel free to email me at: iwantmykissesback@gmail.com
-Kisses
Facebook Relationship Mistakes 101
Okay there are sooo many things I can say about facebook and relationships but for the sake of not writing a novel I will spare you, but I will briefly discuss. A lot of times I hear people say that Facebook messed up their relationship and blah blah blah. NO!! YOU MESSED UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP, not a free social networking website YOU YOU YOU. Okay sorry that was a little dramatic, especially since I am not talking to you persay, just those who are indeed guilty of this lol, but I had to make a point. If you allow a social network or the people on them to destroy your relationship then honestly was it really that strong of a relationship to begin with?? And honestly there are so many mistakes or things I see on facebook that people do. For one, this is how I feel about FB- STFU. Yes simply that. While I think that facebook is a great way to network and to keep in touch with friends and family, I also think it is seriously getting in the way of actual interaction among the human race outside of the digital world and therefore changing the context of relationships.
1) To status or not status, Should you put your relationships status on fb? A lot of people and even I am guilty of not putting my relationship status on fb with the argument that too many people are nosey and up in my business blah blah. The truth of the matter is it shouldn’t matter if the world knows who you are dating or if you are in a relationship, because if you truly care about that person then you wouldn’t need them to be a secret. Now if both parties don’t feel the need to even put their status on fb then that is fine, but I am not a fan of one party putting their status up and the other claiming they are single, it just seems sketch.
2) Putting that you are in a relationship with your best friend (ladies this is for you)- I just think it’s unnecessary
3) TMI- stop putting your entire life on fb in your statuses, I hate to say it but it’s just not cool. It’s like having a diary and posting it on the internet for the whole world to see. Keep personal things personal. Do not announce to the fb world that you and your significant other are having a fight and that you are sorry or not sorry at all—I guarantee your relationship will suffer or disintegrate—this happened to me- an ex put our business all on fb—-bye bye relationship, needless to say that was a dumb move…
4) Don’t spam your significant others page a million times just because you want to show to the world that you are a part of their world or that you miss them. I see nothing wrong with a few comments here and there but don’t fill up their wall, it makes you look clingy and if you are truly dating this person you have other avenues of contacting them such as via in person, phone calls and texts.
5) If you have to find out about your significant other’s life via facebook, please re-evaluate your relationship….no seriously. If you have to find out where your significant other is by looking on fb and seeing where they checked in or etc… that’s a problem, because to me it would seem as if your significant other was in a relationship with fb and not you…….a.k.a not cool.
6) Erasing comments- if your significant other is erasing your comments and they are normal comments like, “I miss you”, or “hey baby” then clearly something sketch is going on. I remember that stuff in the MySpace days- when people would trip out about not being in someone’s top 8—–smh