Tag: love

Make Time or End it

Posted on by Kisses

Make Time or End it….

One thing I cannot stand are excuses. When it comes to a relationship there is no such thing as too busy and anyone who tells you different is lying. I was able to maintain a relationship while being a double major in college, a resident assistant, in a choir, and in other school activies at the same exact time. I always make time for those who are important to me and if your significant other is not making time for you or making efforts to do so it is time to end your relationship. I have seen people within long distance relationships make time for someone they love who aren’t even around so there is no excuse for making the time. A relationship is all about compromise and circumstance and if you cannot do either one even if you work crazy hours or have many obligations then you do not belong in a relationship. If when it comes to your relationship you have to think hard about squeezing in 30 minutes just to hear your significant other’s voice then your relationship is doomed and you should really prioritize your schedule or walk away. It is as simple as that. Make time or End it because no one wants to come 3rd or 4th place in your list of priorities and if you value what you have with someone you will work hard to maintain it. One song that comes to mind when I think of making time in a relationship is the classic 702 song entitled, “Make Time.” I love this song and you should definetely check it out. Please send me your opinions and your feedback. Have you ever been in relationship in which you just didnt have the time or your significant other just wouldnt make time for you? How did that make you feel and did you do anything to resolve the issue. I would love to here from you and Thanks for reading.

-Kisses

“TO DTR OR TO NOT DTR?”

Posted on by Kisses

For those of you reading this wondering what the hell am I talking about, let me first define the acronym DTR. DTR stands for………: define the relationship. For those of you that watch “Awkward” on MTV (an awesome show) you already knew that but for those of you that haven’t seen the show, I think you should watch it lol. But anywho that is not what this article is about. I want talk about when you should define a relationship and when you shouldn’t. A lot of people say, “I hate labels and why complicate things”, but I think you complicate things when you don’t even know what things are. And the moment you start having guidelines and rules for what is and isn’t okay you are already defining what it is you are doing within itself, so why not DTR? I’ll tell you why, if the person you are “talking” to isn’t treating you right then chances are in a relationship they won’t treat you much better. I mean of course if you aren’t someone’s official significant other you might not experience the full benefits of girlfriend or boyfriend status but you should have an idea of what’s to come. Honestly, in the words of Maya Angelou, “if a person shows you who they are, believe them.” If someone lies to you in the beginning, that’s a bad sign. I believe in second chances but I also believe in honesty. Relationships require just that, honesty and if you don’t start on a strong foundation how on earth will you last? You won’t, simple as that. And a small lie can become a big lie, and a small lie makes me think, “why did he feel he had to lie about that”. In fact it makes me feel like that person doesn’t trust me, and you absolutely cannot have a relationship without trust. So my point is at this point is if you and your current interest are not fully honest with each other and do not fully trust each other do not DTF, or for better words do not get into a relationship. In fact walk away if it’s been awhile and you are still unsure. Love is a lot of things, but one thing it is definitely not, is unsure. Which leads to my next point, are you comfortable with each other? And this is after being comfortable fully with yourself. Do you guys feel comfortable enough around each other to just open up, and be yourselves? If the answer is no, or I am not there yet, you are probably not ready to DTR. Also be true to yourself, if what you are involved in is a fling then make sure both parties are aware of that, so no one gets hurt. The worst thing is to think your in a serious relationship with someone and then to find out that in fact they are seeing other people and not claiming you. If anything you should probably always define the nature of your relationship. But when it comes to actually officially deciding on when you should be in a relationship that’s when you have to take into account a lot of different things such as;

honesty, trust, openness, level of comfort, are you a secret? Are you just in it for the physical? All of these things play an important role in DTR’ing lol. Thanks for reading guys

Kisses

Going the distance

Posted on by Kisses

Going the distance:

There is no doubt about it that long distance relationships are no easy feat. In fact they take a lot of energy and effort so it’s only natural to feel apprehensive about choosing to “go the distance.” I have to admit after having being in a few long distance relationships I had deemed them not for me and had conformed to a “JUST SAY NO” policy, but after research and talking to a few people currently in long distance relationships I have pulled a 360 and have changed my mind. If you are considering starting a long distance relationship with someone I think it is important to know what you and your interest long term and short term goals. This is extremely important. Here are some pros and cons when considering a long distance relationship:

Pros:

-You get to know a person on a more personal level without relying heavily on physical interaction. In fact circumstance causes you to really dig deep and know a person’s true character which actually takes longer when you are in close proximity. When you are constantly videoing chatting or on the phone with a person it forces you to open up eventually and know all those things that really matter within a relationship

  • You can maintain your own individuality and use your time to be very productive.

  • It forces you to incorporate unique ways to express how you feel since you are not always together

  • It requires a lot of determination and devotion so it can create a very solid foundation and you can insure that the person you are with is really into you.

  • After long periods without seeing your significant other it will feel like heaven on earth and you will really cherish the times that you share together

  • You become very comfortable with a person without having to deal with physical tempations that can really interfere with truly knowing if you are compatible with a person for who they are and not just what they look like.

  • You have to develop a huge level of trust because you are not in the same area and without it, it can cause a huge strain.

Cons:

  • It really sucks not seeing the person you care about for long periods of time. Sometimes you want more than a phone call or video chat, which is very normal.

  • It takes a lot of time and energy but so does any relationship

  • Depending on your visiting schedules and locations it can be costly, so make sure the person you choose is worth it

  • You can feel lonely at times

I am currently in a long distance relationship and while it is hard not seeing my boyfriend for long periods of time, I have never been happier and the times we do share together mean that much more. I feel I know him very well and that I am getting to know him on a much deeper level than I ever was with any of my other local relationships which as helped us grow a very deep bond and helps us to grow together everyday. I felt my boyfriend was worth it so I decided to go the distance, make sure to really weight the pros and cons before you do so. While long distance relationships are not for everyone it can lead to a very wonderful relationship in which you and your partner are in the same location one day. Thanks for reading. Please send me your long distance relationship stories, I would love to hear about them.

Kisses

Plentyoffish.com Review

Posted on by Kisses

Plentyoffish.com Review

Out of all the dating sites that I have reviewed this site is my least favorite. While this site has the most users ranging in 30 million this leaves room for a lot of creepers and fake profiles. While I am not a huge fan of this site if you live in an area that is not that popular and other sites dont provide you with enough matches to choose from I would recommend plentyoffish because there are so many member profiles. On this site there is no matching questions and no daily matches. There are no questions or indepth matching system that would allow you to see any compatibility capabilities. This site does have instant messenging and you can turn it off at anytime. Beware of fake profiles as there are many on this site. Also due to the high volume of profiles there are many profiles that are inactive with members who have not signed in in over a year time span. Also I have realized that on the quality of matches on this site is not as high as other sites because there are more people on here looking for a quick hook up. If you are not looking for a long term commitment then this site is probably a better option because people can list if they want something, long term, or short term. This allows you to know exactly what members are looking for so that you can be on the same page, which is kind of nice. At times it is hard to tell if you and someone else is on the same page so this feature gives you that information.

Pros:

-Over 30 million users

-Instant messenger feature

-Phone app

Cons:

-No matching system

  • Many fake profiles/creepers

  • many inactive profiles

  • very basic website

Match.com Review

Posted on by Kisses

Match.com Review

I have to say that while on match I made some observations regarding dating and racial preference. Before I address this I will give an honest review of the site itself. Overall I like match.com. One feature that I really like that I havent seen on the other sites I tried was something called “stir events.” Stir events are events where singles in your area can attend and they are exclusive for paying members. Sometimes the events do get sold out quickly because they are quite appealing. For example I came across two events, one being rock climbing and the other being a mixer at a bar. I think this is a great feature because it encourages safe meeting places and actually gives members great dating ideas that are already set up. Some can be a little pricey but some events are actually reasonably priced, so for that I give match.com a thumbs up. On match.com you can have a free membership but it does not allow you to communicate with other members you will just get notifications that someone has written to you or that someone may be interested, so a paid subscription is recommended. Match.com is $35 a month, $59.97 for 3 months (20 per month) and $101.94 for 6 months ($16.99 per month). This isn’t too bad especially if you decide to do a longer subscription. At first the thought of paying for a dating site was absurd to me but then I realized that the quality was actually better on some paid sites. When you think about it, it makes sense; someone who is very serious about finding someone will be more willing to pay a fee to do so and so there is a higher chance you will find someone who is just as serious as you are and not just looking for a simple hook up. Match sends you daily matches everyday of which they share certain profile similarities with you. I think that this is kind of cool because then the chances are higher that you will see someone you favor. One feature that Match does not have is an instant messenger feature. While this is true they do have a matchphone feature which allows you to accept call requests, text and call. While I really do like match’s features, as an African-American woman I felt this site was not the best choice. This has more to do with its members. I found that while browsing a lot of men listed their racial preference and almost none of the men, including Black men did not have black women listed as a preference. I found it harder to get replies and messages because of this and I did not like that. While this is not the site’s fault there are a lot of men on this site that do not prefer women of color so for African-American women I would suggest a different site. While reading online I noticed that on many sites black women have less of a chance of being notified than other women which is probably due to the negative stereotypes that bombard society, but even so it upset me. Overall I would recommend match.com but not for African-American women based on my own experience, but everyone’s experience may be different.

Pros:

-Stir events (love love love this feature)

-matchphone

-daily matches

  • has a match.com phone app

  • lets you send winks, and favorite profiles

  • lets you see who is viewing your profile

  • provides a good amount of matches

Cons:

-no instant messenger feature

  • events can be a little pricey

Plentyoffish.com Review

Out of all the dating sites that I have reviewed this site is my least favorite. While this site has the most users ranging in 30 million this leaves room for a lot of creepers and fake profiles. While I am not a huge fan of this site if you live in an area that is not that popular and other sites dont provide you with enough matches to choose from I would recommend plentyoffish because there are so many member profiles. On this site there is no matching questions and no daily matches. There are no questions or indepth matching system that would allow you to see any compatibility capabilities. This site does have instant messenging and you can turn it off at anytime. Beware of fake profiles as there are many on this site. Also due to the high volume of profiles there are many profiles that are inactive with members who have not signed in in over a year time span. Also I have realized that on the quality of matches on this site is not as high as other sites because there are more people on here looking for a quick hook up. If you are not looking for a long term commitment then this site is probably a better option because people can list if they want something, long term, or short term. This allows you to know exactly what members are looking for so that you can be on the same page, which is kind of nice. At times it is hard to tell if you and someone else is on the same page so this feature gives you that information.

Pros:

-Over 30 million users

-Instant messenger feature

-Phone app

Cons:

-No matching system

  • Many fake profiles/creepers

  • many inactive profiles

  • very basic website

BlackPeopleMeet Review

Posted on by Kisses

BlackPeopleMeet.com Review:

If you are looking for a site that is more specific then I would suggest BlackPeopleMeet. I personally do not have a racial preference when it comes to dating but I wanted to try this site out and see what it was about. I did notice that on this website there were people of different cultural backgrounds all throughout. While this website does have a fee it is on the cheaper side when it comes to paid dating sites. You can have a free membership but you will only be able to send flirts and no messages or any other forms of communication, so a paid subscription is recommended. I paid $13.00 for one month and I believe for a 3 month subscription it was about $43.00 which is not that bad compared to other paid sites. Economically this is a good choice if you are trying to meet other African-American singles in your area. One thing I will say is be careful when choosing what kind of subscription you want. I clicked a one month subscription and somehow received three months. Since I knew I wanted to review this site for you guys I decided just to keep it and not contact them, but this is just an fyi. I am going to list below Pros and Cons for this website:

Pros:

-There are a lot of different matches to choose from

-You can send flirts

-There is a live chat feature
– There are daily matches

-They include dating tips and success stories

Cons:

-There are some creepers and sometimes I got messages that were clearly copy and pasted several times

  • You cannot really search based on personal interest so you have to really get to know a person first or read their page in order to see compatibility

  • There is no match system that uses actual interest and moral beliefs etc

  • There is no phone app so it is very hard to use on your phone

  • Does not allow you to search based on sexual orientation- so not a good site for those who aren’t straight

Overall I would recommend this site, but if you are looking for a more thorough match system this site has not developed one yet. It is a good site to meet a lot of people.

10 Ways To Make Your Dating Profile Stand Out From The Rest

Posted on by Kisses

  1. Have a main picture that shows you in your happiest state. People love to be around happy people, and I know the profiles that appealed to me when I tried online dating were profiles that had a guy smiling or looking very happy.

  2. Have atleast 5 clear pictures that show you from different angles. Also put up pictures that really reflect who you are. If you wouldnt normally meet someone and stick your boobs out in hopes of attracting them don’t put up a picture that shows all your goodies. I guarantee you will attract all the wrong people.

  3. Do not lists all the things you are not looking for. It makes you look picky and like you are looking for perfection even if that is not your true intention. Focus on the positive. I am not saying to never disclose this information I just think that while getting to know somene you will find out if they have all the qualities you want.

  4. Be honest and not too vague

  5. Do not write more than 3 or 4 paragraphs about yourself. It will become to wordy and like you are trying to sum up your whole life story on a page, and if you are pretty awesome it would be impossible to do so. Give others an idea of what you are into and what your personality is like but don’t give them everything. Everyone loves a little mystery. I personally won’t read a whole page once it starts turning into a novel.

  6. Do not include pictures with you and other people. It will take away the focus of you and it is not facebook, it is a dating site.

  7. Have a good tagline and description that is different from other profiles. Usually profiles that interested me the most were different from the norm. With that being said do not write a profile full of jokes and nothing of substance. If I think your taking this for a joke I won’t take your seriously.

  8. Use recent pictures.

  9. Do not say anything that will make you come off as deserperate. If I read a page that says, “I really need a girlfriend” that makes me think “RED FLAG- HIGHLY INSECURE-AND CLINGLY PERSON ON BOARD- STAY AWAY”

  10. Stay away from TMI- do not reveal unnecessary information. It is okay to reveal some of your flaws while getting to know someone but do not make a list of them and post them on your page. That is heavy information that could scare away someone who doesn’t even know your name. Take it easy!!!

Thanks For Reading

-Kisses

Why Jealousy Has No Place In A Relationship

Posted on by Kisses
                   A few days ago I received a text from an old boyfriend/friend telling me to not write on his timeline on facebook anymore and to only contact him via text message or email, because his girlfriend was upset that I was writing on his wall, and that he didn’t want his family to talk about them behind his back. Pretty much he was trying to avoid an “unneccesary” argument. When I received this text I wasn’t having the best of days and after reading it I was even more agitated and just right out APPALLED. I was so appalled that I deleted him from facebook; for those of you thinking I went to far, I am going to explain why I took it there.
                   I dated this guy 6 years ago as a late teen and only for a few months. I am now in my twenties and I just didn’t understand why his girlfriend would be so upset. Me and this guy are friends and we have not been romantically involved in 6 years and our relationship was not even longterm, and to top it off all I wrote on his timeline was a simple “how are you?” “how have you been?” I am not one to go on rants about things but I felt this was worthy of a blog post because it is the pure definition of jealousy and insecurity all balled up in one, which I believe has absolutely, positively no place in a relationship whatsoever.
                    A simple “how are you?” is very harmless and what makes that situation worse is that she does know I am his ex from a very long time ago. I think her getting upset over a simple hello, how are you shows that she is insecure and does not trust her boyfriend. On top of that I do not even live in the same state as this so called “friend” of mine and almost never see him. Why am I threat? I am in a very loving relationship with a man who knows about that ex in particular and has no problem at all with our platonic friendship. In fact I have friends that are males that may write on my fb page and it does not affect him at all because for one he completely trusts me wholeheartedly, and he is a confident man who is not insecure, and we are very open with our communication. Jealousy has absolutely no place within a relationship because it hinders a relationships’ growth and causes unnecessary tension that could result in the loss of friendships and other relationships with people. If the person you are with does not trust you then your relationship will not be successful and you will have a lot of problems down the road. In fact in my opinion you shouldn’t be in a relationship until you completely trust a person, because trust is at the foundation of every relationship.
                      As a result of this annoying text message I simply told my “friend” that I wouldn’t be contacting him at all, because I did not feel the need to contact him in secret when I was doing absolutely nothing wrong. Extreme acts of jealousy such as the one displayed in this story in my opinion has to be a result of insecurities. I think that if you want to maintain a healthy relationship any insecurities should be addressed and the root of those insecurities should be addressed in order avoid extreme cases of unnecessary jealously. Jealousy like that would definitely push me away from a significant other and be extremely stressful.

Are You A Benchwarmer?

Posted on by Kisses

Definition of a benchwarmer: a substitute who seldom plays, an athlete who plays only when a starter of the team is replaced or, “someone who fills a seat until the TRUE owner takes their seat.”

Have you ever been so into someone just to find out that that person had either just went through a bad breakup or just been hurt too many times and just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship? Sometimes a person will still choose to talk to someone even though they have made it clear that they want nothing further. They think that they can somehow change this person’s mind and sweep them off their feet. And what ends up happening is that the person they are into uses them and just “hangs out” with them whenever they are bored. By the time they realize that they have had enough their interest has met another amazing individual and is now ready to make them the “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. You were just the seat filler, the guy or girl they were “kicking it with” with until they were ready to actually put in effort for someone else. You were the person who made them realize they did want something real but took too long to realize it. Now someone else is benefiting from the fruits of your labor. It leaves you thinking, “what does he/she have that I don’t”? You feel insecure and just pissed that you ever gave that person any of your time. Does this sound familiar? If it does please read on. Here are 5  signs that you might be a benchwarmer and ways you can prevent this from ever happening again. (YOU ARE MORE THAN A SEAT FILLER, YOU ARE THE STAR OF THE GAME, THE MVP, AND DON’T YOU EVER FORGET THAT) If you start acting like an MVP, you will attract those who value, value the moment they see it.

1) Your person of interest does not take you out ever. If someone is interested in you and really wants to get to know you as a person they will invest time and money in order to do that. If they are looking for just another “buddy” to mess around with or fill time with they will hang out with you only at their house or yours and never offer to do anything that might require effort or involve your interests.

2) The person you like NEVER CALLS YOU and only texts you. I have said this before and I am going to say it again YOU ARE WORTH A PHONE CALL and if they don’t think that, you are definitely just a benchwarmer in their eyes.

3) The person you like only calls or texts you when they are bored. They don’t actually hit you up because they miss you and wan’t to talk to you, you are just another person in their phone who they can bug when they have no plans on a saturday night.

4) Nobody in this person’s circle knows about your existence. If the person you have an interest in hasn’t told not one person about you, then you are probably not someone they think is special, and the truth is YOU ARE.

5) This person has had their heart broken and now doesn’t feel like putting in any effort for you at all. They have a, “i don’t give a crap attitude” and you have become the shoulder they can lean on even when they didn’t ask for one. Chances are they are taking you for granted and making themselves emotionally unavailable on purpose. NEWS FLASH YOU DIDN’T HURT THEM, SO WHY SHOULD YOU PAY FOR THEIR EX’S MISTAKES…..you shouldn’t, you’re a freakin MVP please start acting like one.

A person can only continuously hurt you if you allow them to, don’t do that. I think a lot of times we forget our price tag and undermine our value. Your value is indefinite. Thanks for reading guys. Email me questions or ideas at iwantmykissesback@gmail.com and follow the iwantmykissesback blog on twitter @iwantmykisses

Forgiving Your Ex

Posted on by Kisses

Today I want to talk about something that I think a lot of people can relate to, and that is forgiving your ex. I felt it was necessary for me to do a post on this because forgiving my ex was one of the hardest things I had to do. In fact a part of why I started this blog has to do with the empowerment that I felt after actually forgiving my past. For me this blog symbolizes taking back your soul and really just working on having healthy relationships in today’s world. I do not think it would be possible for anybody to have a healthy relationship with someone if they held onto the pain from their past.
Awhile back I was in a very turbulent relationship. My ex didn’t show me affection, didn’t treat me the way that I deserved to be treated, and at the time I allowed it to happen. I was cheated on and lied to, and I was kept a secret from his family and friends. Now I know you guys are wondering why would you stay? why would you put up with that? Well there were times I didn’t stay, it was and on and off situation, but then we always came back to each other. One day I realized that I did not like who I became. I became simply a reflection of a man and had lost myself in someone who wasn’t even deserving of my love.  This was not healthy and I had truly forgotten my worth, and I wanted my kisses back, they were given under false pretenses. He had walked away yet another time, but this time I was angry, I was a woman scorned. I wanted him to feel what I felt, cry those tears I cried. But then I realized I was wasting time concerned about someone who slept just fine at night. And I also realized that, that was not the person I was. The person I am would wish nothing bad on anyone else, not even an enemy.
My heart was broken and I couldn’t understand why for him I wasn’t enough. Well I stopped thinking I wasn’t enough, because I knew I was more than enough. I know I am not perfect but I was a very loving and forgiving girlfriend and I was not about to let this boy continue to have control over me and my soul. You see forgiveness is not for the other person. Most likely the other person is doing just fine. Forgiveness is truly for yourself. When you don’t forgive someone you hold on to the pain that they caused you. Why would you want to hold on to something that gets you no where. It’s like worrying, it’s like a rocking chair, you rock back and forth, but it gets you absolutely no where. No point in it at all. The same goes for forgiveness. When you hold onto what an ex did, you leave no room for you to grow or for someone else that treats you better to enter your life. It was hard. I cried a lot.
One thing I can truly say, is that my situation changed me as a woman. I no longer allow or will ever allow a man to treat me that way again. And I don’t think every man is like my ex, I know there are plenty of great men out there. I love myself wholeheartedly. I have my own life and my own individuality. I am not a woman scorned or simply a product of my circumstance. And that is my message to anyone out there struggling to forgive their ex. You do not have to be a product of your circumstance and there is someone else out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. What helped me get through that tough time in my life was my spiritual relationships, focusing on actually loving myself and doing things that allowed personal growth, and now I can honestly say I have forgiven my ex. I could have a cordial conversation with my ex without feeling angry or like I want them back or anything of that nature. I wish them nothing but the best and I actually hope they have learned from our experience and that they treat the next woman the way every woman should be treated; with true love and respect.

Remember you do not have to be a product of your circumstance. Take your soul back and get in control of your life. Moving on sometimes can be a great thing, because you have no idea what amazing things you have waiting for you.

For ways to get back that confidence and love for yourself check out my blog post entitled, Why you should date yourself before you date anyone else and Tips for getting over a Breakup.

Thanks for reading!!

-xoxo Kisses