love yourself Archives - I Want My Kisses Back

I Stopped Chasing Him And Started Chasing Myself

Posted on May 7, 2016March 25, 2017 by Kisses

There was a time when all I wanted was love. I was addicted to love and being in love. The feeling of anticipation that occurred during countless hours on the phone or after hanging out and forgetting all of life’s problems. I craved a life partner. I needed love like I needed air. Without it I felt empty and every time a relationship failed, I felt empty and worthless. I accepted ill treatment from different guys in dating and relationships and I tried to make them love me, because I didn’t love myself. My worth was defined by their ability or inability to love me. How foolish I was to think that I needed their validation to be amazing.

For years I tried to force connections with people who I clearly didn’t connect with because you see we had to make it work because if it didn’t work then what was love really. I accepted half-assed effort, shit I accepted no effort and gave my all to men who didn’t even deserve me, but back then I didn’t know. I am growing. I am changing. While I still suffer from insecurities (I am a work in progress) I no longer chase love. After all those years of chasing I got tired and I got lost. I was chasing them, but no one was chasing me. I didn’t know who Leslie was and I really wanted to know her again.

If I said I now no longer want a relationship, I would be lying. I want a relationship when the time is right, but not just any kind of relationship. I want a real love, a love that is consistent, unconditional, spiritual, and authentic, and I will not accept anything less. I used to cry many nights wondering why this guy didn’t love me or why he wasn’t showing me effort. I overanalyzed everything and I thought that if I did this and that that he would finally put in as much as effort as me. A guy will put in effort for the girl he wants, so if he is not doing that he doesn’t want you. A guy not wanting you says nothing about your value. Sometimes there is a lack of connection and chemistry, sometimes you know you don’t connect but you want so desperately to do so that you try to force it. Sometimes he can’t love you because he doesn’t even love himself. And sometimes he is just a total douchebag. But no matter what the reason, know this, your value does not decrease because of someone’s inability to see your worth. You will lose yourself trying so hard to hold onto someone who doesn’t care about losing you.

After that relationship and a few others failed. I spent some time with God and myself. I realized that you do not need to chase a soul mate. I realized that God created me, and that meant that I was amazing and that anyone who couldn’t see that didn’t deserve me or was just not meant for me. I basked in my awkwardness and randomness. I fell in love with every inch of my body, acne scars and all and started focusing on my goals, and experiencing life. I craved God and I started working on my relationship with him and instead of filling that void in my heart with undeserving men, people or things I filled it with him. Everyday I am learning more and more on how to do this, but I feel more at peace. I missed the woman I used to be and so I started looking for her and chasing her. I spent alone time with her and learned just how fierce she is, lol. I took time to evaluate why I used to chase the wrongs things. I found love in God and in myself.

Now if I meet a guy and he starts distancing himself or treating me wrong, I simply walk away, because “ain’t nobody got time for that”. #Notimeforshenanigans. I rather be alone than date someone who doesn’t know my worth or who isn’t man enough to say how he truly feels. Often times we chase people or things to fill the voids in us instead of filling that void with true self-love. We feel ecstatic when he calls but feel empty and lost when he doesn’t. Stop chasing him and start chasing yourself. We must find validation in ourselves. Know that you are enough; you are so enough that it’s not even funny how enough you are. Some people won’t be able to embrace you; some people don’t even know how to love because they don’t even know how to love themselves. When you take the time to truly love yourself you will realize that not everyone will love you, and you won’t care. You will find out what you love and hate and create steadfast values and live in your truth. You will love yourself flaws and all and stop trying to get a man to do the same. The right man will come at the right time when you are not looking. The right man will love you just as you are and you won’t have to chase him; he will pursue you effortlessly. And then it will be your decision if you want to choose him back. Stop settling and stop chasing other people. You do NOT have to chase a soul mate. I kept searching for love in all the wrong places. And then I found God and myself and realized that love has been here this whole time.

Live A Little – No More Self-sabotage

Posted on February 1, 2012February 21, 2015 by Kisses

So before I begin, I would like to sincerely apologize for my absence. Life got a little crazy and I have been so busy,… but enough of that. One of my problems is that I worry way too much. I over analyze everything instead of just letting things be. I haven’t always been this way, but unfortunately my past kept hitting me in the face. I decided to take a stand and I started hitting my past right back in the face and I told him to HOP OFF cause for once in my life I don’t give a s***. I refuse to let my past define me anymore, I MAKE MYSELF, not anyone else.
If you find yourself questioning every moment and everything in your life, STOP IT- no seriously, coming from a person who has done that in the past it gets you no where. I was talking to a guy once and I would ask him stuff like, “do you think we are compatible?”, “did you miss me?”, “but what if?” . That was a big no no, I just came off as insecure, and it made it seem like I doubted his feelings for me when in reality he gave me absolutely no reason to doubt his feelings at all. He was affectionate, open, and honest, and we had a lot of fun together, but I was messing things up by questioning everything. We could be having a great time and I would then mess up a perfectly romantic moment with an annoying insecure question. And that’s when I had to take a deep look at myself and I realized that because I had been in an on and off relationship with a man who always gave me reason to doubt him, insecurity had become a part of my character. He wasn’t open, he was secretive, he betrayed my trust, he wasn’t affectionate, and those were all red flags that I didn’t pay attention to until the damage was done. But instead of blaming him or myself about it I decided to leave it in the past. It happened, I learned from it and I am no longer in that situation so there is no reason for me to take any baggage with me. I left that crap in the back alley, so why would i take a bag for keep sake? Before that situation I was super confident, and wasn’t the type to nag or question everything. I choose to live a little because if I don’t I will mess up all my relationships over someone who really doesn’t matter at all. Why keep someone relevant if they aren’t???
Now I am going with the flow of things, and if a guy gives me any reason to doubt him, and I mean a real reason I just won’t continue talking to him. If a guy or girl gives you any reason to doubt them then chances are the relationship won’t last, or it will be rocky. The person you are with should never give you a reason to doubt yourself or what you guys have. Remember to love yourself. I had to really take a good look at myself and say in my Madea voice, “what the hell are you doing?” Life is wayyy too short to stress everything, and if the right someone comes along and is treating you right don’t mess it up with unnecessary things. I would say if you are in this place to work on loving yourself more. It sometimes takes time and won’t happen overnight but it can indeed happen. Do things that make you happy. I would say be so sure of yourself that you wake up saying “man i am the s***!” I am not saying turn into this cocky person, but be yourself and love you with all your might, because you deserve the best and you are probably giving yourself less credit than you actually deserve. Know your worth and your price tag, don’t put yourself on the clearance rack. Go with the flow and enjoy the moment. Life is too short to not live a little. Actually LIVE A LOT!!!!

Tips For Getting Over A Breakup

Posted on November 7, 2011August 2, 2014 by Kisses

First off I would like to apologize for my absence within the last few weeks. Shame on me, but I will continue to try to write more often. One topic that I really wanted to touch on was breakups. Breakups can be really hard but I dont think that it needs to be terrible. Time heals all wounds but I am going to include some tips that have helped me in the past when I was going through a pretty bad breakup. When it first happens it’s usually really hard to break all ties with someone you are probably used to seeing often and speaking to on a daily basis but if you are truly choosing to breakup without friendship then here are some things that I suggest.

BTW I am actually not a fan of breaking up over petty things, actually even some big things. Like Pleasure P says in his song, “Did you wrong”, “the easiest thing you can do is to leave”. If the person you are with is truly worth it then dont break up because of a stupid argument, something that happened before you were together, insecurities or not wanting to compromise. WORK THAT ISH OUT, no seriously….. (says Ms. Stubborn- hey I’m working on it)

Tip # 1: Watch a Madea Clip- no seriously watch it, it will make you smile
(Update- sadly these clips were removed from youtube)

Tip # 2: Never make someone your everything because the moment the relationship is over you feel like you’ve lost everything, but that’s not the case. Do not base your happiness and well-being on being with another, you need to be happy with yourself first. Have your own life and friends. Focus on yourself and achieving your goals.

Tip # 3: Do not call or text. I know this is easier said than done but doing these things only prolongs the process and if you know you have no intention on getting back with this person there is no reason to waste your time. Label their name as “Do not call” or “Danger”. Or you can delete the number or go as far as getting an app that blocks calls from them.

Tip # 4: If you are a music lover I suggest listening to music, and empowering songs. I listen to music when I am down and it makes me feel so much better. Try to stay away from sad love songs and songs that remind you of your significant person. A song that I think is very uplifting is, “Golden” by Jill Scott.
Tip # 5: Friends, Friends, Friends- Hang out with your friends to take your mind off them. Eventually that person will be an after thought and then you will be able to move on. Also remember they are there for you when you need them.

Tip # 6: If you did all you could do and the relationship still failed- Accept what God has allowed. (I understand not everyone believes in God) So i will also say things happen for a reason. And the truth of the matter is that if you were meant to be with that person it will happen.

Tip # 7: Cry, let it out. Crying doesn’t make you weak. If anything those who have the courage to cry when they are hurt are truly strong people in my eyes. I cry when im upset to myself because I feel like I am cleansing my soul and I feel like a weight is lifted off of me. Remember “the strongest people in the morning, cry themselves to sleep at night”.

Hope this helps. If you have any suggestions or want me to answer a question or discuss a topic feel free to email me at: iwantmykissesback@gmail.com

-Kisses