forgiveness Archives - I Want My Kisses Back

Today I want to talk about something that I think a lot of people can relate to, and that is forgiving your ex. I felt it was necessary for me to do a post on this because forgiving my ex was one of the hardest things I had to do. In fact a part of why I started this blog has to do with the empowerment that I felt after actually forgiving my past. For me this blog symbolizes taking back your soul and really just working on having healthy relationships in today’s world. I do not think it would be possible for anybody to have a healthy relationship with someone if they held onto the pain from their past.
Awhile back I was in a very turbulent relationship. My ex didn’t show me affection, didn’t treat me the way that I deserved to be treated, and at the time I allowed it to happen. I was cheated on and lied to, and I was kept a secret from his family and friends. Now I know you guys are wondering why would you stay? why would you put up with that? Well there were times I didn’t stay, it was and on and off situation, but then we always came back to each other. One day I realized that I did not like who I became. I became simply a reflection of a man and had lost myself in someone who wasn’t even deserving of my love. This was not healthy and I had truly forgotten my worth, and I wanted my kisses back, they were given under false pretenses. He had walked away yet another time, but this time I was angry, I was a woman scorned. I wanted him to feel what I felt, cry those tears I cried. But then I realized I was wasting time concerned about someone who slept just fine at night. And I also realized that, that was not the person I was. The person I am would wish nothing bad on anyone else, not even an enemy.
My heart was broken and I couldn’t understand why for him I wasn’t enough. Well I stopped thinking I wasn’t enough, because I knew I was more than enough. I know I am not perfect but I was a very loving and forgiving girlfriend and I was not about to let this boy continue to have control over me and my soul. You see forgiveness is not for the other person. Most likely the other person is doing just fine. Forgiveness is truly for yourself. When you don’t forgive someone you hold on to the pain that they caused you. Why would you want to hold on to something that gets you no where. It’s like worrying, it’s like a rocking chair, you rock back and forth, but it gets you absolutely no where. No point in it at all. The same goes for forgiveness. When you hold onto what an ex did, you leave no room for you to grow or for someone else that treats you better to enter your life. It was hard. I cried a lot.
One thing I can truly say, is that my situation changed me as a woman. I no longer allow or will ever allow a man to treat me that way again. And I don’t think every man is like my ex, I know there are plenty of great men out there. I love myself wholeheartedly. I have my own life and my own individuality. I am not a woman scorned or simply a product of my circumstance. And that is my message to anyone out there struggling to forgive their ex. You do not have to be a product of your circumstance and there is someone else out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. What helped me get through that tough time in my life was my spiritual relationships, focusing on actually loving myself and doing things that allowed personal growth, and now I can honestly say I have forgiven my ex. I could have a cordial conversation with my ex without feeling angry or like I want them back or anything of that nature. I wish them nothing but the best and I actually hope they have learned from our experience and that they treat the next woman the way every woman should be treated; with true love and respect.

Remember you do not have to be a product of your circumstance. Take your soul back and get in control of your life. Moving on sometimes can be a great thing, because you have no idea what amazing things you have waiting for you.

For ways to get back that confidence and love for yourself check out my blog post entitled, Why you should date yourself before you date anyone else and Tips for getting over a Breakup.

Thanks for reading!!

-xoxo Kisses

First off I would like to apologize for my absence within the last few weeks. Shame on me, but I will continue to try to write more often. One topic that I really wanted to touch on was breakups. Breakups can be really hard but I dont think that it needs to be terrible. Time heals all wounds but I am going to include some tips that have helped me in the past when I was going through a pretty bad breakup. When it first happens it’s usually really hard to break all ties with someone you are probably used to seeing often and speaking to on a daily basis but if you are truly choosing to breakup without friendship then here are some things that I suggest.

BTW I am actually not a fan of breaking up over petty things, actually even some big things. Like Pleasure P says in his song, “Did you wrong”, “the easiest thing you can do is to leave”. If the person you are with is truly worth it then dont break up because of a stupid argument, something that happened before you were together, insecurities or not wanting to compromise. WORK THAT ISH OUT, no seriously….. (says Ms. Stubborn- hey I’m working on it)

Tip # 1: Watch a Madea Clip- no seriously watch it, it will make you smile
(Update- sadly these clips were removed from youtube)

Tip # 2: Never make someone your everything because the moment the relationship is over you feel like you’ve lost everything, but that’s not the case. Do not base your happiness and well-being on being with another, you need to be happy with yourself first. Have your own life and friends. Focus on yourself and achieving your goals.

Tip # 3: Do not call or text. I know this is easier said than done but doing these things only prolongs the process and if you know you have no intention on getting back with this person there is no reason to waste your time. Label their name as “Do not call” or “Danger”. Or you can delete the number or go as far as getting an app that blocks calls from them.

Tip # 4: If you are a music lover I suggest listening to music, and empowering songs. I listen to music when I am down and it makes me feel so much better. Try to stay away from sad love songs and songs that remind you of your significant person. A song that I think is very uplifting is, “Golden” by Jill Scott.
Tip # 5: Friends, Friends, Friends- Hang out with your friends to take your mind off them. Eventually that person will be an after thought and then you will be able to move on. Also remember they are there for you when you need them.

Tip # 6: If you did all you could do and the relationship still failed- Accept what God has allowed. (I understand not everyone believes in God) So i will also say things happen for a reason. And the truth of the matter is that if you were meant to be with that person it will happen.

Tip # 7: Cry, let it out. Crying doesn’t make you weak. If anything those who have the courage to cry when they are hurt are truly strong people in my eyes. I cry when im upset to myself because I feel like I am cleansing my soul and I feel like a weight is lifted off of me. Remember “the strongest people in the morning, cry themselves to sleep at night”.

Hope this helps. If you have any suggestions or want me to answer a question or discuss a topic feel free to email me at: iwantmykissesback@gmail.com

-Kisses