Tag: dating

BlackPeopleMeet Review

Posted on by Kisses

BlackPeopleMeet.com Review:

If you are looking for a site that is more specific then I would suggest BlackPeopleMeet. I personally do not have a racial preference when it comes to dating but I wanted to try this site out and see what it was about. I did notice that on this website there were people of different cultural backgrounds all throughout. While this website does have a fee it is on the cheaper side when it comes to paid dating sites. You can have a free membership but you will only be able to send flirts and no messages or any other forms of communication, so a paid subscription is recommended. I paid $13.00 for one month and I believe for a 3 month subscription it was about $43.00 which is not that bad compared to other paid sites. Economically this is a good choice if you are trying to meet other African-American singles in your area. One thing I will say is be careful when choosing what kind of subscription you want. I clicked a one month subscription and somehow received three months. Since I knew I wanted to review this site for you guys I decided just to keep it and not contact them, but this is just an fyi. I am going to list below Pros and Cons for this website:

Pros:

-There are a lot of different matches to choose from

-You can send flirts

-There is a live chat feature
– There are daily matches

-They include dating tips and success stories

Cons:

-There are some creepers and sometimes I got messages that were clearly copy and pasted several times

  • You cannot really search based on personal interest so you have to really get to know a person first or read their page in order to see compatibility

  • There is no match system that uses actual interest and moral beliefs etc

  • There is no phone app so it is very hard to use on your phone

  • Does not allow you to search based on sexual orientation- so not a good site for those who aren’t straight

Overall I would recommend this site, but if you are looking for a more thorough match system this site has not developed one yet. It is a good site to meet a lot of people.

Why Jealousy Has No Place In A Relationship

Posted on by Kisses
                   A few days ago I received a text from an old boyfriend/friend telling me to not write on his timeline on facebook anymore and to only contact him via text message or email, because his girlfriend was upset that I was writing on his wall, and that he didn’t want his family to talk about them behind his back. Pretty much he was trying to avoid an “unneccesary” argument. When I received this text I wasn’t having the best of days and after reading it I was even more agitated and just right out APPALLED. I was so appalled that I deleted him from facebook; for those of you thinking I went to far, I am going to explain why I took it there.
                   I dated this guy 6 years ago as a late teen and only for a few months. I am now in my twenties and I just didn’t understand why his girlfriend would be so upset. Me and this guy are friends and we have not been romantically involved in 6 years and our relationship was not even longterm, and to top it off all I wrote on his timeline was a simple “how are you?” “how have you been?” I am not one to go on rants about things but I felt this was worthy of a blog post because it is the pure definition of jealousy and insecurity all balled up in one, which I believe has absolutely, positively no place in a relationship whatsoever.
                    A simple “how are you?” is very harmless and what makes that situation worse is that she does know I am his ex from a very long time ago. I think her getting upset over a simple hello, how are you shows that she is insecure and does not trust her boyfriend. On top of that I do not even live in the same state as this so called “friend” of mine and almost never see him. Why am I threat? I am in a very loving relationship with a man who knows about that ex in particular and has no problem at all with our platonic friendship. In fact I have friends that are males that may write on my fb page and it does not affect him at all because for one he completely trusts me wholeheartedly, and he is a confident man who is not insecure, and we are very open with our communication. Jealousy has absolutely no place within a relationship because it hinders a relationships’ growth and causes unnecessary tension that could result in the loss of friendships and other relationships with people. If the person you are with does not trust you then your relationship will not be successful and you will have a lot of problems down the road. In fact in my opinion you shouldn’t be in a relationship until you completely trust a person, because trust is at the foundation of every relationship.
                      As a result of this annoying text message I simply told my “friend” that I wouldn’t be contacting him at all, because I did not feel the need to contact him in secret when I was doing absolutely nothing wrong. Extreme acts of jealousy such as the one displayed in this story in my opinion has to be a result of insecurities. I think that if you want to maintain a healthy relationship any insecurities should be addressed and the root of those insecurities should be addressed in order avoid extreme cases of unnecessary jealously. Jealousy like that would definitely push me away from a significant other and be extremely stressful.

Are You A Benchwarmer?

Posted on by Kisses

Definition of a benchwarmer: a substitute who seldom plays, an athlete who plays only when a starter of the team is replaced or, “someone who fills a seat until the TRUE owner takes their seat.”

Have you ever been so into someone just to find out that that person had either just went through a bad breakup or just been hurt too many times and just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship? Sometimes a person will still choose to talk to someone even though they have made it clear that they want nothing further. They think that they can somehow change this person’s mind and sweep them off their feet. And what ends up happening is that the person they are into uses them and just “hangs out” with them whenever they are bored. By the time they realize that they have had enough their interest has met another amazing individual and is now ready to make them the “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. You were just the seat filler, the guy or girl they were “kicking it with” with until they were ready to actually put in effort for someone else. You were the person who made them realize they did want something real but took too long to realize it. Now someone else is benefiting from the fruits of your labor. It leaves you thinking, “what does he/she have that I don’t”? You feel insecure and just pissed that you ever gave that person any of your time. Does this sound familiar? If it does please read on. Here are 5  signs that you might be a benchwarmer and ways you can prevent this from ever happening again. (YOU ARE MORE THAN A SEAT FILLER, YOU ARE THE STAR OF THE GAME, THE MVP, AND DON’T YOU EVER FORGET THAT) If you start acting like an MVP, you will attract those who value, value the moment they see it.

1) Your person of interest does not take you out ever. If someone is interested in you and really wants to get to know you as a person they will invest time and money in order to do that. If they are looking for just another “buddy” to mess around with or fill time with they will hang out with you only at their house or yours and never offer to do anything that might require effort or involve your interests.

2) The person you like NEVER CALLS YOU and only texts you. I have said this before and I am going to say it again YOU ARE WORTH A PHONE CALL and if they don’t think that, you are definitely just a benchwarmer in their eyes.

3) The person you like only calls or texts you when they are bored. They don’t actually hit you up because they miss you and wan’t to talk to you, you are just another person in their phone who they can bug when they have no plans on a saturday night.

4) Nobody in this person’s circle knows about your existence. If the person you have an interest in hasn’t told not one person about you, then you are probably not someone they think is special, and the truth is YOU ARE.

5) This person has had their heart broken and now doesn’t feel like putting in any effort for you at all. They have a, “i don’t give a crap attitude” and you have become the shoulder they can lean on even when they didn’t ask for one. Chances are they are taking you for granted and making themselves emotionally unavailable on purpose. NEWS FLASH YOU DIDN’T HURT THEM, SO WHY SHOULD YOU PAY FOR THEIR EX’S MISTAKES…..you shouldn’t, you’re a freakin MVP please start acting like one.

A person can only continuously hurt you if you allow them to, don’t do that. I think a lot of times we forget our price tag and undermine our value. Your value is indefinite. Thanks for reading guys. Email me questions or ideas at iwantmykissesback@gmail.com and follow the iwantmykissesback blog on twitter @iwantmykisses

Forgiving Your Ex

Posted on by Kisses

Today I want to talk about something that I think a lot of people can relate to, and that is forgiving your ex. I felt it was necessary for me to do a post on this because forgiving my ex was one of the hardest things I had to do. In fact a part of why I started this blog has to do with the empowerment that I felt after actually forgiving my past. For me this blog symbolizes taking back your soul and really just working on having healthy relationships in today’s world. I do not think it would be possible for anybody to have a healthy relationship with someone if they held onto the pain from their past.
Awhile back I was in a very turbulent relationship. My ex didn’t show me affection, didn’t treat me the way that I deserved to be treated, and at the time I allowed it to happen. I was cheated on and lied to, and I was kept a secret from his family and friends. Now I know you guys are wondering why would you stay? why would you put up with that? Well there were times I didn’t stay, it was and on and off situation, but then we always came back to each other. One day I realized that I did not like who I became. I became simply a reflection of a man and had lost myself in someone who wasn’t even deserving of my love.  This was not healthy and I had truly forgotten my worth, and I wanted my kisses back, they were given under false pretenses. He had walked away yet another time, but this time I was angry, I was a woman scorned. I wanted him to feel what I felt, cry those tears I cried. But then I realized I was wasting time concerned about someone who slept just fine at night. And I also realized that, that was not the person I was. The person I am would wish nothing bad on anyone else, not even an enemy.
My heart was broken and I couldn’t understand why for him I wasn’t enough. Well I stopped thinking I wasn’t enough, because I knew I was more than enough. I know I am not perfect but I was a very loving and forgiving girlfriend and I was not about to let this boy continue to have control over me and my soul. You see forgiveness is not for the other person. Most likely the other person is doing just fine. Forgiveness is truly for yourself. When you don’t forgive someone you hold on to the pain that they caused you. Why would you want to hold on to something that gets you no where. It’s like worrying, it’s like a rocking chair, you rock back and forth, but it gets you absolutely no where. No point in it at all. The same goes for forgiveness. When you hold onto what an ex did, you leave no room for you to grow or for someone else that treats you better to enter your life. It was hard. I cried a lot.
One thing I can truly say, is that my situation changed me as a woman. I no longer allow or will ever allow a man to treat me that way again. And I don’t think every man is like my ex, I know there are plenty of great men out there. I love myself wholeheartedly. I have my own life and my own individuality. I am not a woman scorned or simply a product of my circumstance. And that is my message to anyone out there struggling to forgive their ex. You do not have to be a product of your circumstance and there is someone else out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. What helped me get through that tough time in my life was my spiritual relationships, focusing on actually loving myself and doing things that allowed personal growth, and now I can honestly say I have forgiven my ex. I could have a cordial conversation with my ex without feeling angry or like I want them back or anything of that nature. I wish them nothing but the best and I actually hope they have learned from our experience and that they treat the next woman the way every woman should be treated; with true love and respect.

Remember you do not have to be a product of your circumstance. Take your soul back and get in control of your life. Moving on sometimes can be a great thing, because you have no idea what amazing things you have waiting for you.

For ways to get back that confidence and love for yourself check out my blog post entitled, Why you should date yourself before you date anyone else and Tips for getting over a Breakup.

Thanks for reading!!

-xoxo Kisses

Exposed

Posted on by Kisses

First off I just want to say I am backkkk. I went on vacation and the summer was a little crazy, but I am so excited about the new posts that I have for you guys.

As the summer sadly approaches it’s end, I feel that it is only necessary to share a summer story from a few years back. Out of respect I will not include names. Two years ago me and one of my female friends were at a club when we met two guys. I knew of these guys before because of mutual friends, but this was the first time I had actually met them. At the club we exchanged numbers, and I didn’t really think much about it. After that night the guys hit me and my friend up and said they wanted to chill, and so we said okay. Little did I know that was a huge mistake.

Well we met up at a pier close to our neighborhood that has a lot of fun things to do by the water. I talked with “my guy” and my friend walked away with “her guy”. Everything was going fine, it was a simple outing in which we were just trying to get to know each other better. Well midway through my conversation with “my guy,” my friend came over and she looked very pissed. I asked her if she was okay, and she said under her breathe, “I will tell you later”. Naturally I was concerned, and right after we went home and went our separate ways. I called her as soon as I got in the house and she told me that the guy had exposed himself to her. I was shocked, when she said this, I was like, “what do you mean exposed.” She told me the guy took his penis out and showed it to her. I thought to myself, what the hell??? Who does that?? Was he on something? I was so upset that my friend even had to go through that.

She then told me that the conversation was stale and that out of nowhere he felt it was necessary to pull his penis out, and when she became shocked (because normal people don’t do that) he laughed and said, “you scared.” My friend was not scared she was appalled, shocked and disgusted. What the hell did he take her for? Did he think she would say, oh that’s nice, can i play? Did this kind of activity work for him on the regular? Because quite frankly I don’t see how it could. Not only was this boy (not a man) disrespectful he was also conceited and out of line. No guy should ever pull out their penis on a first date, let alone a second or third. I don’t even see how it is common protocol for any date, but I wanted to slap him in the face. Better yet how about slapping him with his own genitals, maybe then he would realize how out of line and ridiculous he was being. Anybody out there who is reading this, please please don’t expose yourself on a date, not only can you get yourself in trouble with the law but you also make yourself look like a complete douchebag and someone with no home training. Nobody should ever treat someone with that kind of disrespect and YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE!!!

Got a story, or a question? Send it to iwantmykissesback@gmail.com and follow the iwantmykissesback blog @iwantmykisses on twitter.

Thanks for reading!!

 

SEND ME YOUR CRAZY DATE STORIES

Posted on by Kisses

Hey guys so I plan on adding a section to my blog about crazy/hell date stories. I will post them up anonymously for discretion. It can be a really good or bad date. I know I have experienced some bad dates and even witnessed some. I think it will be interesting to see some of the dates that you guys have gone on. I can’t wait to read your stories. PLEASE EMAIL ME AT iwantmykissesback@gmail.com. Follow the Iwantmykissesback blog on twitter at @iwantmykisses. Also like the blog page on Facebook so you can hear about all the new posts. Thank you all for reading and stay tuned for some new posts. HAVE A GREATTT DAYY!!!!!!

EMAIL: IWANTMYKISSESBACK@GMAIL.COM

SEND YOUR STORIES!!!!!

once i get a good amount of stories i will post them up for you all to see and comment on as well!!!

“Think Like A Man” – Movie Review

Posted on by Kisses

Hey guys I hope all is well with you. It was requested that I write a review for the movie, “Think Like A Man” based off of Steve Harvey’s best seller, “Act like a lady, Think Like A Man.” First I have to say that I loved the movie and that I actually saw it twice. I rarely go to see a movie twice while it is in theatres.  I read Steve Harvey’s Book years ago, so I had a little background before I even saw the movie. This movie interwines humor and real life issues that men and women go through in dating and relationships. I think that there is a wonderful balance of humor and plot. I love comedies so this movie did it for me. Kevin Hart who plays, “Cedric” is hilarious and will keep you laughing throughout the movie as he focuses on celebrating his “divorce”. In the beginning of the movie you are introduced to the cast who represents different types of daters/relationships. Here is a list of the characters, as well as the obstacles that they face.

Meagan Good (Mya-the 90 day rule) vs. Romany Malco (Zeke- the Player)
Jerry Ferrara (Jeremy, the non-committer) vs. Gabrielle Union (Kristen, the Ring girl)
Terrence Jenkins (Michael, The Momma’s Boy) vs. Regina Hall ( Candace, The Single Mother)
Michael Ealy (The Dreamer) vs. Taraji P. Henson (Lauren, The woman who is her own man)
Kevin Hart (Cedric, Happily Divorced Guy)
Gary Owen (Happily Married Guy)

I love these different scenarios because I feel that anyone can relate to at least one of these situations, or at least knows someone who has dealt with a similar situation. It is a clever battle of the sexes that shows how men and women really think. In the beginning the women flock to get Steve Harvey’s best seller and use it as a guide/way to manipulate their men into giving them what they want. It eventually backfires but teaches valuable relationship advice in the process. While I think that the book is helpful because it shows how men think and breaks it down, I also feel like most of what is in the book is common sense.

I actually felt that the acting in this movie was really good. I felt like I could identify with Meagan Good’s (Mya) character as well as Taraji’s (Lauren) character. Out of all of the scenarios represented my favorite on screen scenarios had to be, “The Dreamer” vs. “The woman who is her own man” and “The 90 day rule” vs. The player”. Many times when a woman is independent and so strong, she tries to play both roles (man and woman) and in the movie it shows exactly why this doesn’t work. It also shows that when a man has a very supportive woman who believes in his dreams by his side it will push him to realize his full potential. I felt that the difference in financial status was a great touch to this movie, because while I don’t think you should settle, I also think that some people are unrealistic. If a person you are dating is actually doing something to achieve their goals but not exactly where you are in life it doesn’t mean that they aren’t dating material. It is when a person is doing nothing to achieve what they want when you should reconsider.

I loved the scenario between Zeke and Mya because it represented knowing your worth and setting some standards. As Steve puts it “Men respect standards, get some.” This could not be more true. Someone can only treat you badly again and again if you allow them to. And if a guy doesn’t want to date you anymore or put in the time and effort to really getting to know your mind you can simply move on without feeling like you’ve lost a part of yourself. I think this is a very well organized movie that is not only relatable but ridiculousy funny. Kevin Hart is simply a clown and gives the movie just enough spice to keep you laughing till your belly hurts. I highly recommend this movie!!!

The Top 10 Places to Meet Men and Women

Posted on by Kisses

Hey guys so you know how hard dating can be. Too many times I hear people say they don’t know where to go to meet people. People are so tired of the club scene. I honestly think that the club is the worst place to meet someone, of course there are those few people that have success stories but from my own experience it is rare. Usually at the club there are men and women that are just trying to have a good time, they don’t want anything substantial. Also the club is filled with drunk people, and usually when you meet someone you want to be sober, just in my opinion. So here is a list of my top 10 places to meet a potential date. They are not in any particular order but these are places in which I have actually met someone, or even met an ex-boyfriend. Also some of my friends have met people in these situations as well. Let me know what you think:

1)  A Bookstore-this makes the list because I loveee to read. I can literally spend hours in a bookstore just exploring. And I always see lots of men and women of all ages in barnes and nobles. And you might bump into someone who has similar interests as you.

2) Dance Class- or any type of interest/activity class/cooking/acting etc- This is a great place to meet someone.

3) Church- So I know not everyone goes to church, but for those of you that do this is a great place to potentially meet someone who has the similar values and religious views as you.

4) The Beach/Parks- summertime is just around the corner and EVERYONE- I mean EVERYONE will be at the beach and the parks (I know I will be)


5) Grocery Store-we all have to eat sometime, right?? While your pushing a cart through the aisles you might bump into your soul mate. You never know!


6) Live Music Venues/Concerts- I love live shows and I will even attend a show by myself. This is a perfect place to meet someone who also likes the same kind of music you like. (Already something in common)

7) Museums-I like going to museums and exploring new things. And some museums actually have cool events they put on monthly. For those of you in the NY area, the Brooklyn Museum has this cool event called “First Saturdays” every first saturday of the month in which they have live music and a multitude of different events.

8) The Gym- so many people workout daily. While getting yourself in shape you might meet someone while running on a treadmill.

9) Online- and of course you can meet both men and women online on dating websites. This is a good option for those people that are very busy or don’t go out often.

10) Lounges- While I am not a big fan of meeting someone at a club, a lounge is a little more upscale and classy. People are usually dressed to impress and it is a lot less rowdy than a club.

Hope you liked this list. If you have anymore suggestions or a topic you want to see, email me at iwantmykissesback@gmail.com

Thanks for reading!!

Kisses  xoxo

Is Physical Attraction Really Important?

Posted on by Kisses

Recently I got a message from a friend asking me if she should continue seeing a guy that she wasn’t physically connected to or if she should end it. I personally think that it is very important that you are attracted to a person BODY, MIND, AND SOUL. I think that you cannot have one without the other because they all correlate. The same goes for the other way around, if you think someone is gorgeous but you have no chemistry, there is no point, unless you simply want a physical relationship. I told her that if he doesn’t make your vagina whisper then please move on. And that goes for both males and females in any type of relationship that involves another person. If you don’t feel excited or get that spark after feeling them out you should move on. I am in no way a shallow person but I think that if you do not have a physical attraction as well as chemistry with someone that the relationship won’t go far and will fade out.

When you like someone and you are feeling them, you usually just know. The fact that my friend wrote me a message due to her uncertainty shows that she already had doubts after only a few dates. I think that is way too soon to question if you want to even go on another date with someone which means she really just wasn’t feeling it. I think it’s better to be honest with yourself and move on before that other person gets in too deep. You don’t want to cause any heartbreak because you decided well I guess I will give him/her another shot even though he/she doesn’t make my heart smile. At the same time some people have ridiculous standards. If you think that every person you meet is going to look like a super model then you need a serious reality check. I think it is just important that you have an attraction to a person, they do not need to be the best looking person in the world. In fact there will probably always be someone else out there that you will be attracted to, a lot of fishes in the sea. But once you have that initial attraction you have something to begin with and then if you get to know someone and they have a wonderful personality it will complement them nicely and they will probably become even more attractive in your eyes.

I personally just do not feel that it is wise to pursue something with someone you have no initial attraction for. I have seen some cases in which this has worked out but I have also seen many situations in which that didn’t happen and someone ended up getting hurt. I know that not every guy is going to find me attractive and vice versa, but that’s life. We all like different things. Someone else will see what someone else doesn’t and then you can build on that by creating a deeper connection that connects you mind and soul. I want to feel butterflies when I see someone (which i have) and I want to want their embrace. If I am simply not attracted to you I will not see you past a certain level. Why do you think they say that the first impression is so important? Because people go by sight first and then the rest follows. But I also think that if you meet someone who you have chemistry with but aren’t physically attracted to, you should give them a chance. Attraction is not only skin deep, but if after a few dates you still aren’t fully feeling it, walk away.

Why you should date yourself before you date anyone else

Posted on by Kisses

Okay some of you are probably thinking, “date yourself” what the hell are you talking about. Well let me explain. I think that in order for a person to love you, you need to not just love yourself first but also be completely comfortable with yourself. My best friend made me realize that I was not comfortable with myself a while back. I love myself dearly but being comfortable was a whole other level. Ask yourself this: Do you do things that you love to do by yourself? Or do you always need a companion by your side to go out and enjoy life? If your friends or a potential date isn’t available do you sit inside thinking “oh well they are flaky i will just stay in tonight” Put an end to that now. Can you go to the movies by yourself and not feel awkward? How about a concert? or those salsa lessons you’ve always wanted to try? Or that new poetry spot. If you feel awkward doing things by yourself then you are probably not fully comfortable with yourself. Of course there are some activities that do require others and I do not suggest going out to eat by yourself but there are plenty of things you can do by yourself.
I think that a person who can go out and enjoy life without needing a significant other or person to validate them or keep them company is the most desirable candidate. Think about it. A person who is comfortable and confident with their own identity will most likely not be needy or clingy because they don’t need another person’s attention to validate their own existence. They simply exist and enjoy life. A significant other would simply complement them but not define them. And why would you want to put so much power in another person’s hand? Honestly some people put a lot of pressure on their mates by relying on them for everything/happiness and that pushes people away. Nobody wants that type of responsibility because the moment they make a mistake or do something wrong they fear they can easily break your heart. The man or woman who has his or her own life and friends, and passions are the most sought out candidates in the dating world. They are strong and confident and can live just fine without another person by their side. They know how to make themselves happy so it makes it easier for them to make a potential candidate even happier. They exude positive energy and everyone loves and wants to be around positive energy.
I love anything comedic for that very reason. Comedy makes me laugh and smiling is good for the soul so I can watch funny videos/shows for hours. The same goes for being around someone, if they exude positive energy you are automatically going to be drawn to them. Nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly negative, and always in need of attention. In fact most people want to give others attention when they do not ask for it. Think about it. Usually when a person blows up your phone and gives you no space to breathe you get irritated and you pull away but when they don’t you want to speak to them more. If you are not comfortable in your own skin I suggest you focus on that before you focus on another. People cannot fill the voids that we need to fill ourselves. If you rely on others all the time for your own happiness you will end up unhappy. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Focus on yourself, your health and appearance. Have fun, do things with your friends and put that energy into your career. Love will come when you least expect it and once you know how to truly love yourself you will be able to love someone else.

Kisses xoxo