Self-Love Archives - I Want My Kisses Back

No More Youtube Channel for this blog & Update!

Posted on July 9, 2017 by Kisses

Hey, guys so I wanted to announce that the I Want My Kisses Back blog will no longer have a coinciding youtube channel. I will still be writing on my blog from time to time about whatever I choose. I Want My Kisses Back has evolved and led me to creating my business and my baby Self-Love Empowers, a lifestyle empowerment brand for women and girls. Self-Love Empowers is all about helping women and girls love themselves, know their worth, find their purpose and live an empowered life. But I will still be on youtube!! I have decided to change the name of my youtube to Self-Love Empowers. This channel will be in line and coincide with my business www.selfloveempowers.com and I will still talk about relationship and dating advice as it adheres to self-worth and self-love. I think you can’t have healthy relationships with others until you have a healthy relationship with yourself. Please check out my video explaining the name change here:

On this channel I will talk about, my faith, self-love, self-worth, travel, self-love and dating and relationship advice. I will continue to empower women as I feel it is one of my purposes in life. Thank you so much for rocking with me thru all of these changes. You guys are awesome. Please take the time to follow my business page at @selfloveempowers on instagram and to check out my business website at www.selfloveempowers.com. I will post on iwantmykissesback.com and it’s social media pages from time to time but my main page is @selfloveempowers these two brands are connected so you will still receive relevant and awesome content. I am so excited to see where this new channel and business will take me. Love you guys!!

How many years will you waste on that fuckboy?

Posted on May 18, 2016March 25, 2017 by Kisses

“But we’ve been together so long.” “But I love him and he is just getting his life together.” “He just needs time to figure out his feelings. “ Life is too short to be waiting on someone to act right. I don’t care how long you have been with someone, the amount of time you date someone doesn’t negate all of the times they have treated you like shit. A lifetime spent with a person who doesn’t treat you right is way worse than a few years. I am telling you this for your own good. The time you waste on that fuckboy is time wasted and time taken away from building your empire, building up yourself, and possibly meeting the REAL love of your life.

This is not a blog post to bash you or make you feel terrible. This is a wake up before you waste anymore time and start living your life post. A man will only change if he wants to change, you cannot change him. In fact you may be building him up for another woman. How many times have you seen a girl date a guy who wasn’t acting right but to then act right for the girl who came after? Crazy, but so often reality.

He doesn’t call you for days or weeks, he cheats on you, he has nothing going on in his life, and he treats you like a doormat. You stay because you love him unconditionally even though he doesn’t love you the same. Love doesn’t = ill treatment. Real love shows up, is consistent, involves true effort, and respect. Do you know why a man treats a woman good? It’s because he wants to. If he isn’t treating you good it’s because he doesn’t care enough, doesn’t want to, or he isn’t ready for a real relationship, either way it is not your duty to wait around for him to care enough. If he doesn’t care enough now why will he care enough later? A lot of times people realize what they have once it’s gone, but who wants a person who only realizes their worth once they are gone? Why would you want someone who you have to leave in order for them to act right? That time you waste waiting on his calls, blowing him up or stalking the girls’ pages he likes on Instagram could be spent on experiencing life, your career goals, your spiritual relationship, and overall self-care.

Don’t waste another minute. One thought that can help you move on or when you see yourself getting caught back up in an unhealthy situation is to ask yourself, “what if my (future/present daughter) was being treated this way? “What if my mother, sister or best friend was being treated this way?” Would you want her to date a guy like this? And just like that reality hits, remember your worth and who made you. Start loving yourself enough to walk away and live your life. The right guy WON’T waste your time.

I Stopped Chasing Him And Started Chasing Myself

Posted on May 7, 2016March 25, 2017 by Kisses

There was a time when all I wanted was love. I was addicted to love and being in love. The feeling of anticipation that occurred during countless hours on the phone or after hanging out and forgetting all of life’s problems. I craved a life partner. I needed love like I needed air. Without it I felt empty and every time a relationship failed, I felt empty and worthless. I accepted ill treatment from different guys in dating and relationships and I tried to make them love me, because I didn’t love myself. My worth was defined by their ability or inability to love me. How foolish I was to think that I needed their validation to be amazing.

For years I tried to force connections with people who I clearly didn’t connect with because you see we had to make it work because if it didn’t work then what was love really. I accepted half-assed effort, shit I accepted no effort and gave my all to men who didn’t even deserve me, but back then I didn’t know. I am growing. I am changing. While I still suffer from insecurities (I am a work in progress) I no longer chase love. After all those years of chasing I got tired and I got lost. I was chasing them, but no one was chasing me. I didn’t know who Leslie was and I really wanted to know her again.

If I said I now no longer want a relationship, I would be lying. I want a relationship when the time is right, but not just any kind of relationship. I want a real love, a love that is consistent, unconditional, spiritual, and authentic, and I will not accept anything less. I used to cry many nights wondering why this guy didn’t love me or why he wasn’t showing me effort. I overanalyzed everything and I thought that if I did this and that that he would finally put in as much as effort as me. A guy will put in effort for the girl he wants, so if he is not doing that he doesn’t want you. A guy not wanting you says nothing about your value. Sometimes there is a lack of connection and chemistry, sometimes you know you don’t connect but you want so desperately to do so that you try to force it. Sometimes he can’t love you because he doesn’t even love himself. And sometimes he is just a total douchebag. But no matter what the reason, know this, your value does not decrease because of someone’s inability to see your worth. You will lose yourself trying so hard to hold onto someone who doesn’t care about losing you.

After that relationship and a few others failed. I spent some time with God and myself. I realized that you do not need to chase a soul mate. I realized that God created me, and that meant that I was amazing and that anyone who couldn’t see that didn’t deserve me or was just not meant for me. I basked in my awkwardness and randomness. I fell in love with every inch of my body, acne scars and all and started focusing on my goals, and experiencing life. I craved God and I started working on my relationship with him and instead of filling that void in my heart with undeserving men, people or things I filled it with him. Everyday I am learning more and more on how to do this, but I feel more at peace. I missed the woman I used to be and so I started looking for her and chasing her. I spent alone time with her and learned just how fierce she is, lol. I took time to evaluate why I used to chase the wrongs things. I found love in God and in myself.

Now if I meet a guy and he starts distancing himself or treating me wrong, I simply walk away, because “ain’t nobody got time for that”. #Notimeforshenanigans. I rather be alone than date someone who doesn’t know my worth or who isn’t man enough to say how he truly feels. Often times we chase people or things to fill the voids in us instead of filling that void with true self-love. We feel ecstatic when he calls but feel empty and lost when he doesn’t. Stop chasing him and start chasing yourself. We must find validation in ourselves. Know that you are enough; you are so enough that it’s not even funny how enough you are. Some people won’t be able to embrace you; some people don’t even know how to love because they don’t even know how to love themselves. When you take the time to truly love yourself you will realize that not everyone will love you, and you won’t care. You will find out what you love and hate and create steadfast values and live in your truth. You will love yourself flaws and all and stop trying to get a man to do the same. The right man will come at the right time when you are not looking. The right man will love you just as you are and you won’t have to chase him; he will pursue you effortlessly. And then it will be your decision if you want to choose him back. Stop settling and stop chasing other people. You do NOT have to chase a soul mate. I kept searching for love in all the wrong places. And then I found God and myself and realized that love has been here this whole time.

Okay some of you are probably thinking, “date yourself” what the hell are you talking about. Well let me explain. I think that in order for a person to love you, you need to not just love yourself first but also be completely comfortable with yourself. My best friend made me realize that I was not comfortable with myself a while back. I love myself dearly but being comfortable was a whole other level. Ask yourself this: Do you do things that you love to do by yourself? Or do you always need a companion by your side to go out and enjoy life? If your friends or a potential date isn’t available do you sit inside thinking “oh well they are flaky i will just stay in tonight” Put an end to that now. Can you go to the movies by yourself and not feel awkward? How about a concert? or those salsa lessons you’ve always wanted to try? Or that new poetry spot. If you feel awkward doing things by yourself then you are probably not fully comfortable with yourself. Of course there are some activities that do require others and I do not suggest going out to eat by yourself but there are plenty of things you can do by yourself.
I think that a person who can go out and enjoy life without needing a significant other or person to validate them or keep them company is the most desirable candidate. Think about it. A person who is comfortable and confident with their own identity will most likely not be needy or clingy because they don’t need another person’s attention to validate their own existence. They simply exist and enjoy life. A significant other would simply complement them but not define them. And why would you want to put so much power in another person’s hand? Honestly some people put a lot of pressure on their mates by relying on them for everything/happiness and that pushes people away. Nobody wants that type of responsibility because the moment they make a mistake or do something wrong they fear they can easily break your heart. The man or woman who has his or her own life and friends, and passions are the most sought out candidates in the dating world. They are strong and confident and can live just fine without another person by their side. They know how to make themselves happy so it makes it easier for them to make a potential candidate even happier. They exude positive energy and everyone loves and wants to be around positive energy.
I love anything comedic for that very reason. Comedy makes me laugh and smiling is good for the soul so I can watch funny videos/shows for hours. The same goes for being around someone, if they exude positive energy you are automatically going to be drawn to them. Nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly negative, and always in need of attention. In fact most people want to give others attention when they do not ask for it. Think about it. Usually when a person blows up your phone and gives you no space to breathe you get irritated and you pull away but when they don’t you want to speak to them more. If you are not comfortable in your own skin I suggest you focus on that before you focus on another. People cannot fill the voids that we need to fill ourselves. If you rely on others all the time for your own happiness you will end up unhappy. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Focus on yourself, your health and appearance. Have fun, do things with your friends and put that energy into your career. Love will come when you least expect it and once you know how to truly love yourself you will be able to love someone else.

Kisses xoxo

Live A Little – No More Self-sabotage

Posted on February 1, 2012February 21, 2015 by Kisses

So before I begin, I would like to sincerely apologize for my absence. Life got a little crazy and I have been so busy,… but enough of that. One of my problems is that I worry way too much. I over analyze everything instead of just letting things be. I haven’t always been this way, but unfortunately my past kept hitting me in the face. I decided to take a stand and I started hitting my past right back in the face and I told him to HOP OFF cause for once in my life I don’t give a s***. I refuse to let my past define me anymore, I MAKE MYSELF, not anyone else.
If you find yourself questioning every moment and everything in your life, STOP IT- no seriously, coming from a person who has done that in the past it gets you no where. I was talking to a guy once and I would ask him stuff like, “do you think we are compatible?”, “did you miss me?”, “but what if?” . That was a big no no, I just came off as insecure, and it made it seem like I doubted his feelings for me when in reality he gave me absolutely no reason to doubt his feelings at all. He was affectionate, open, and honest, and we had a lot of fun together, but I was messing things up by questioning everything. We could be having a great time and I would then mess up a perfectly romantic moment with an annoying insecure question. And that’s when I had to take a deep look at myself and I realized that because I had been in an on and off relationship with a man who always gave me reason to doubt him, insecurity had become a part of my character. He wasn’t open, he was secretive, he betrayed my trust, he wasn’t affectionate, and those were all red flags that I didn’t pay attention to until the damage was done. But instead of blaming him or myself about it I decided to leave it in the past. It happened, I learned from it and I am no longer in that situation so there is no reason for me to take any baggage with me. I left that crap in the back alley, so why would i take a bag for keep sake? Before that situation I was super confident, and wasn’t the type to nag or question everything. I choose to live a little because if I don’t I will mess up all my relationships over someone who really doesn’t matter at all. Why keep someone relevant if they aren’t???
Now I am going with the flow of things, and if a guy gives me any reason to doubt him, and I mean a real reason I just won’t continue talking to him. If a guy or girl gives you any reason to doubt them then chances are the relationship won’t last, or it will be rocky. The person you are with should never give you a reason to doubt yourself or what you guys have. Remember to love yourself. I had to really take a good look at myself and say in my Madea voice, “what the hell are you doing?” Life is wayyy too short to stress everything, and if the right someone comes along and is treating you right don’t mess it up with unnecessary things. I would say if you are in this place to work on loving yourself more. It sometimes takes time and won’t happen overnight but it can indeed happen. Do things that make you happy. I would say be so sure of yourself that you wake up saying “man i am the s***!” I am not saying turn into this cocky person, but be yourself and love you with all your might, because you deserve the best and you are probably giving yourself less credit than you actually deserve. Know your worth and your price tag, don’t put yourself on the clearance rack. Go with the flow and enjoy the moment. Life is too short to not live a little. Actually LIVE A LOT!!!!